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Stephen Licciardello: If you're if you begin to reevaluate because you start to realize, hey. I've only got 20, 30, 40 years left. Mhmm. I've done 20, 30, 40 years. I'm not where I wanted to be today, So I better make some choices. And that's that can actually be a good thing. As long as those choices are are you settling over your job and relationship wanting a drastic change that includes a sports car?

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Sharlene Licciardello: Or perhaps you are just irritated with life and people and wanting a sea change.

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Stephen Licciardello: Today's episode is the first of a 2 part series on midlife crisis.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Where we break down the cause, signs of a midlife crisis, and how it affects you and others.

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Stephen Licciardello: Stay to the end to find out what part sex has in a midlife crisis. Let's dive in.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Welcome to rewrite your story, the podcast where change begins with you.

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Stephen Licciardello: We're your host, Steven and Sharlene.

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Sharlene Licciardello: As professional coaches and mentors trained in various modalities, we have helped hundreds of people

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Stephen Licciardello: bridge the gap between the person they are and

[00:00:59]

Sharlene Licciardello: the person they want to be.

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Stephen Licciardello: We bring you conversations with real people who have overcome real setbacks.

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Sharlene Licciardello: You will walk away with practical steps to find more clarity, alignment, and success in any area you want to improve.

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Stephen Licciardello: So join us and discover how you have the power to overcome, to change, and to rewrite your story.

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Sharlene Licciardello: So pick up the pen. Your new chapter starts now. So, Steven, we're gonna be looking at today's theme of what is middle life crisis?

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Stephen Licciardello: I think when we we've chosen this topic for a few reasons. Now the first one being, probably seen a few people in our life go through a midlife crisis or what we think is a midlife crisis. Not sure if they think it's a midlife crisis, but also really debunking what a midlife crisis is. Because when we are looking at this, we actually realized that a lot of things that people actually label others as going through a midlife crisis could actually be a sign of depression or a sign of, I can't say the word. You have to say it. Menopause. Oh, menopause. To talk about it.

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Stephen Licciardello: Menopause.

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Sharlene Licciardello: He's just trying to talk about it.

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Stephen Licciardello: Menopause. Don't wanna offend anyone. It could be actually no. Not just menopause, but actually hormonal.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Motor changes.

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Stephen Licciardello: Hormonal changes in both men and women. So we really wanted to debunk it, but also look at what's actually happening for people at a deeper level. When we started doing a lot more research and really diving into the topic, we also realized that one topic just didn't do it justice.

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Sharlene Licciardello: 1 one episode was just too much for us to put everything all together.

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Stephen Licciardello: So we're gonna divide it into 2 episodes. So we're doing a 2 part series on the midlife crisis. But this one, we're gonna talk about how it actually affects the individual person, either in a relationship or as a single because usually, you go through a midlife crisis as an individual. Mhmm. But we're also next week gonna look at it how it affects marriages and relationships because the ripple effect or the consequences are

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Sharlene Licciardello: Far reaching.

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Stephen Licciardello: Far reaching. Yes. So next week, we're gonna talk about how it affects couples. We're also gonna talk around how it affects people's sex lives Yeah. As couples and their relationships. So, Sharlene, what is a midlife crisis?

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Sharlene Licciardello: Oh my gosh. Look. It's it's actually a period of emotional instability and self doubt that often occurs between ages 40 60. That's pretty scary considering we're never in our forties. Right?

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Stephen Licciardello: We are in our forties, and we're hitting our fifties very soon. So there is a lot of where the prime candidates, hey, but being able to talk about it Yeah.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And

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Stephen Licciardello: how to navigate through it.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. I think we've got some pretty good skills together. Right?

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Stephen Licciardello: I think I'll go through 1 a day.

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Sharlene Licciardello: 1 be like phrases a day.

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Stephen Licciardello: 1 be like phrases a day. But I guess it happens during these people's as as you said, people are grappling with these feelings, but it's a period of time that people actually start to reassess their lives. Yeah. People realize that they're on a hamster wheel. They're just doing the same old, same old.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: And they're reassessing their lives thinking, I don't wanna do this anymore, or do I have to do this for another 20, 30 years?

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Sharlene Licciardello: What am I gonna do now that this major life event has happened?

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Because it's

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Sharlene Licciardello: changed.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know, children growing up, leaving their house Yeah. Or or going to university or whatever it is. So a lot of things are happening during that path, and we begin to question them. We always said that question is good.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. There's a healthy questioning there, and then there's an unhealthy questioning.

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Stephen Licciardello: And so healthy questioning to get to the root cause

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

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Stephen Licciardello: To find a solution is actually Yeah. Quite good. Right.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. So it's actually important to recognize that a midlife crisis isn't just about feeling down or nostalgic, though. It can actually involve a deep existential questioning and a strong desire to make life altering changes. So sometimes that looks like it just affects you, Then we don't realize that the people around us actually notice these things, and that can actually affect other people too.

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Stephen Licciardello: The intensity of the feeling is very individual. Yeah. Some people go through a midlife crisis and you would hardly know. Whereas others would go through a midlife crisis, and everyone knows.

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Sharlene Licciardello: All over.

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Stephen Licciardello: They The

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Sharlene Licciardello: prey of it.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know, the and let's look at the stereotypical what people would say a midlife crisis looks like is he left his wife, he got the younger woman, he bought the Ferrari.

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Sharlene Licciardello: No. You

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Stephen Licciardello: know? And that's just a stereotype.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That too.

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Stephen Licciardello: That's just stereotypical. That is not what an actual midlife crisis is. That's what society has painted a midlife crisis to be. And, yes, people would do that, but is it really a midlife crisis or something deeply unfulfilled in

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Sharlene Licciardello: that life? It can also be a wake up call to evaluate what truly matters now.

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Stephen Licciardello: I think no matter what you're going through, you know, you need to trust god in it. And I think Proverbs 3, 5, and 6 says, trust in the lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he's gonna direct your path. And I think that is key. You know? When we're going through hard circumstances, when we're going through times of questioning, we're just gonna trust in source in the source who is our hope. Yeah. And I think that's important.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yep. Absolutely. You know, one of the things that we need to know about is to acknowledge your feelings. This is one of the first steps towards healthy management of midlife crisis is to recognize these feelings are common and that you're not alone in experiencing them. You're not by yourself. There's so many people, like, go through this just because they might express it differently or maybe not look like they've got a problem. It doesn't mean they don't have a problem.

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Stephen Licciardello: That's right. And I think, you know, we need to really look at what leads to a midlife crisis. So if we figure out what leads to a midlife crisis, we can start to put in the no. Not put in, but we can start to see the red flags in our life. Mhmm. And start to identify those red flags. So we've got a few things I wanna talk about, and the first one is the realisation of mortality. I think as we age, we become more acutely aware that our days on earth are limited.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And therefore, by knowing that our days are on earth and we've done a lot of episodes on being death aware. You know? Because when you embrace death, you can embrace your purpose. Mhmm. But I think a lot of people who are not death aware realizing that they have an infinite in in an infinite no. Not a need for that. But a defined amount of time left can start to make irrational choices, or it can start to prompt them to reevaluate their life, their accomplishments, and their choices. And their reevaluation is not wrong.

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Stephen Licciardello: Mhmm. You know? If you're if you begin to reevaluate because you start to realize, hey, I've only got 20, 30, 40 years left. I've done 20, 30, 40 years. I'm not where I wanted to be today, so I better make some choices. And that's that can actually be a good thing as long as those choices are aligned with your purpose.

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Sharlene Licciardello: And your well, I guess your core value.

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Stephen Licciardello: And your core values. They're not in line with unfulfilled needs at a unconscious level that are based on some insecurity.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. So not comparing yourself against who you think you should be right now or who you think you should be because of somewhat what someone else is achieving in their life or what you see someone else achieving.

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Stephen Licciardello: Absolutely. Sharlene, do you wanna talk about the second one?

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Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. There's so much to say about unfulfilled goals. You know, a lot of people are reflecting on unachieved dreams or goals, which can lead to regret and dissatisfaction. So wherever they are in life, you know, they just they've looked at the things in their past and they're thinking, I should have done this by now. Look how old I am. I haven't done this yet. I haven't achieved this. I haven't I'm so old, and I haven't gotten all these things that I've set out to achieve.

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Sharlene Licciardello: And that can really lead to a sense of dissatisfaction in life.

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Stephen Licciardello: And you know what? Reality check is a lot of people don't achieve everything they set out to be. You know?

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

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Stephen Licciardello: By the time they're 40 to 60. You know? You probably got got less time to achieve it now, you know, especially if you're at the upper end of that 20 year period.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Mhmm. But

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Stephen Licciardello: it doesn't mean you can't.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. It doesn't make it impossible. That's it.

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Stephen Licciardello: Exactly. I always use the analogy of Colonel Sanders.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Mhmm.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know? He he was retired when he realized he couldn't live on his pension and knew how to make chicken and has been making chicken ever since.

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Sharlene Licciardello: And God, how many rejections? Yeah. Lot of rejections and public rejections.

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Stephen Licciardello: Heaps and heaps of rejections. He went out on his own, and now there's a global, you know, franchise all over the world, killing thousands of people with cholesterol and heart disease. But, hey. He made it.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Satisfying people's taste buds worldwide. Perfect.

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Stephen Licciardello: The other one is the third one is physical changes. And I think people don't realize Mhmm. That this plays a huge part in the midlife crisis. So one, if we look at the male, there's a decrease in testosterone. The your testosterone level starts to decrease. The aging process starts to begin. Those wrinkles start to form if you're, you know, you're losing your youth, your vitality, your attractiveness. And then we've also got the same with women going through menopause and those hormonal changes and those imbalances that are occurring.

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Stephen Licciardello: And then, you know, again, compare artists. You know? You see the 50, 60 year old Botox to the heels woman on social media, you think, wow, I wanna look like that. You know, what cost is she looking like that? Yeah. We don't know the cost behind why she looks like that.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. And, like, I think a lot of media has a big part to play with that with the the unhealthy beauty standards these days, isn't it? Like, you know, you sort of look a particular way to be beautiful.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And realizing that this too can be triggers for midlife crisis. Mhmm. But it's not the influencer that's the trigger. It's everything that's happening. It's the changes. It's that marriage dynamics, the relationship dynamics that are happening. Now which leads us to the major life of x, the next one.

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Stephen Licciardello: The children leaving the home are no longer needed. My identity is being challenged or changed.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, there's that empty nester syndrome. You're like, yeah, what do I do now? Like, I've been so many years looking after my children, putting into them. And instead of saying the positives, you know, hey, you know, I did a really good job. You know, they don't need me anymore. They're, like, gone out and they're healthy and they're learning to do things on their own, but they take it to a point that, oh, there's that insecurity that I'm not needed anymore.

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Sharlene Licciardello: What do I do? Like, I'm not used to this sort of phase of life.

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Stephen Licciardello: And it's also at this time in men that they are surpassed for promotions. Mhmm. Which can also lead to that question in that lack of confidence

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: And that midlife confident, crisis or the drive changes.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Wow.

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Stephen Licciardello: Okay? Or the thrill of the drive changes, and therefore, we look for the thrill in something else Yeah. Which can lead to an affair or something Yeah. Along those lines.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Like the shiny object syndrome, right?

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Stephen Licciardello: Shiny object syndrome. So and not realizing that we've all well, the drive's always been there, but the drive has been misdirected. Mhmm. That's For some reason, you've pivoted, and that drive's been misdirect misdirected in some major life event. But also too, you know, you've been dad. You you you were it's like this. Right? You were Mhmm. You were boyfriend and girlfriend, then you were Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: A couple, and then you were engaged, and then you were married, and then you were a newly married couple, and then you became parents. And then you're a mom, you were dad, you're a coach, you're a teacher, you're a cleaner, you're a Uber driver, you're, you know, Uber Eats. You are all of that for such a long period of time. The children have gone, who the hell am I now?

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And they forget about who they were before they had kids. Right?

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Stephen Licciardello: The couple. The newly married.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

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Stephen Licciardello: Rekindling that. So these major life events are leading to the breakdown of the identity of the 2. And rather than look relooking at the identity of the 2 together Mhmm. They're starting to look at the identity of the individual.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Individual. That's right. And that's probably a lot of times divorce can actually act as a significant trigger as well in there.

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Stephen Licciardello: And we saw that a lot during COVID because all of a sudden Yeah. These two people that live together were forced to live together.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Like, really live together.

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Stephen Licciardello: And so we saw a there was a huge rate of breakdowns Mhmm. And In relationships. Breakups in relationships during COVID.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

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Stephen Licciardello: The next one is work and career dissatisfaction.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Right. So, basically, if you look at this, it's realizing that one's career hasn't provided the fulfillment expected. This can lead to existence to questioning, like, who am I? Why am I here? Why am I doing this work? Like, what is where do where do you come now?

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Stephen Licciardello: What's the purpose?

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Sharlene Licciardello: Like, what is the purpose of this play of this role, this job? Right? Yeah. Especially if they become dissatisfied, and they feel like, I don't know what to do now.

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Stephen Licciardello: And, you know, we're not saying that career like, most people could will change their career 6 times in a life path. Mhmm. You know what I mean? Nothing wrong with that. Mhmm. It's during this time, but that we can sometimes make decisions that are not in our best interest. That's right. And what's that thing that you always say?

[00:14:49]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. You're not making you don't wanna make, permanent decisions based on heightened emotions.

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Stephen Licciardello: Heightened yes. No permanent decisions during heightened emotions. Okay.

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Sharlene Licciardello: So we look at shifts in identity.

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Stephen Licciardello: Well, we've already spoken to that. That's the transition of the children growing up, the retirement, that loss of identity, that loss of purpose. You know, who am I? So these are all factors Yeah. That can contribute to midlife crisis. Yeah. And I think these triggers are so deeply personal, and they they vary from person to person. Yeah. And, like, people could be satisfied with their 9 to 5.

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Stephen Licciardello: People might like the hamster wheel. There's no right or wrong.

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Sharlene Licciardello: And that's okay.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know, there's couples out there Mhmm. That are a couple before their parents.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: But there's others that are parents before their couples.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: Do you know what I mean? And I think, you know, we don't have children, so I don't know the dynamics of that. But I think it's important to be a couple first. Yeah. Parents there, later.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:15:49]

Stephen Licciardello: Because then when the children are no longer needing the parents, you're still a couple.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. You're still friends. You find that that common ground together, finding something different to to pull pull together. Right?

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And so people that go through these, it's crucial to understand that midlife crisis are often a response to these changes and the emotions they evoke.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Right. That's so true. You know, in Ecclesiastes 31, it says, we are reminded that to everything, there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. Every matter under heaven. Gosh. Look at that. Even midlife crisis. Right? There's a purpose for that.

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Sharlene Licciardello: There's a purpose for us to reevaluate our goals. There's a purpose for that dissatisfaction so that we're not become complacent in our life. We can find a new purpose.

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Stephen Licciardello: And it's important to know that everything is for a season. Nothing is permanent. You know, everything, you know, there's everything that we've gone through or ever will go through. Somebody has already gone through that.

[00:16:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:16:50]

Stephen Licciardello: And now the best advice is to find out those who overcame what you're going through and learn from what they learned. Yeah. Learn from what they did to overcome that challenge.

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Sharlene Licciardello: You know, sometimes I feel that a lot of people that go to certain situations will some of the unhealthy ways that they look at this is they'll try to find other people that are going to the same thing where they're at just to validate where what they're feeling right now and the decisions that they they want to make that may not necessarily be healthy for that lifestyle. Right?

[00:17:23]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Like a trip's like. Right?

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely.

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Stephen Licciardello: Like, one of the one of the things I've I've seen during this period and of different people that have gone through this, and it and it's really sad, actually, if you think about it. It is one of the when we first like, we've been married almost 25 years. So we're we're going on we're 24 years this year. Next year will be 25 years. But one of the first when we first got married, me and you made a decision that we would never speak bad about each other to someone else.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Mhmm. That's right.

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Stephen Licciardello: And we've never done that.

[00:17:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:17:56]

Stephen Licciardello: We've we've never I've never spoken bad about you to anyone else, and and you've never done that because that was a commitment we made early on in our relationship. Yeah. And one of the sad things about couples going through midlife crisis when that's a couple is the stuff they talk about the other partner.

[00:18:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: Like putting them down.

[00:18:16]

Stephen Licciardello: Putting them down. And it's not in a trusted like there's there's a there's a place to talk about someone to seek healthy advice. Yeah. But there's a place to talk about someone to vent and to to bitch.

[00:18:29]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. When you're just venting, it's not healthy. I mean, there's there's one there's a difference between venting to someone that you know is trusted a trusted reliable source who's able to give you feedback and challenge you, challenge the, the BS, you know, and get through that BS to help you think about other ways of coping or other ways of viewing a situation rather than just being stuck in that little rut. And then just venting to just a friend that's just, oh, yeah. Yeah. It's so rough.

[00:18:57]

Stephen Licciardello: What happens when that friend is going through something similar? Your problems and their problems.

[00:19:02]

Sharlene Licciardello: Escalate.

[00:19:03]

Stephen Licciardello: Escalate, perpetuate. Right. And then it becomes

[00:19:06]

Sharlene Licciardello: You're feeding each other.

[00:19:07]

Stephen Licciardello: Feeding each other, all men, all women, you know. We start to general

[00:19:11]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, yes.

[00:19:12]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, and therefore, when it just say does end up in a broken relationship and you're ready to move on, well, you're bringing all that garbage with you in the new relationship because you've already made that unconscious limiting belief that all men or all women

[00:19:30]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:19:31]

Stephen Licciardello: Are like this because you haven't healed from that. Yeah. And that's not only midlife crisis. That's in any marital crisis. Yeah. And there are places where divorce is necessary. We're not saying we're anti divorce. We that's not the case, but we're like, use wisdom.

[00:19:46]

Stephen Licciardello: So I think you need to view this, the time of a midlife crisis, as a period of time for potential growth and realignment with your true values. That's right. Rather than use it as the explosive, reactive, leave your partner, get the younger man or woman, buy the car, buy the beach side house, do you mean leave your job, sell everything, and move to a farm in Byron Bay rather than do that.

[00:20:15]

Sharlene Licciardello: Hey. Some people might wanna do that, actually. It

[00:20:18]

Stephen Licciardello: sounds good right now. It it's about realigning with your true values.

[00:20:25]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know, Romans 828 says, and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. It's so encouraging to know, isn't it, Steven, that we can rely on that?

[00:20:38]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. So let's have a look at some signs of a midlife crisis. The first one is drastic behavioral changes. Sharlene, do you wanna talk into this one? Yeah.

[00:20:49]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. You know, sometimes when we go through these things, yes, there's times where we might go through, like, a drastic sudden character change out of depression or different areas, but this is also, like, you know, midlife crisis. And not everybody will go through sudden change. Right? Kind of say a common theme that we tend to see. People often go through sudden lifestyle changes such as adopting new hobbies or become obsessed over a certain activity that they wanna do, altering their peers, perhaps. You know, going for surgeries to fix up how they wanna see themselves or making impulsive decisions to buy big expensive things.

[00:21:24]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And in some cases, that is okay. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. It is the drastic behavior changes. Like, that is so far out. Like, if you're talking spoken for years years years that you wanna have a mummy makeover. Right? Mhmm.

[00:21:38]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, that's not a drastic change or a drastic body alterations. If that's something you've spoken for for many years and and have, you know, been saving up for it, that's fine. What we're talking about is all of a sudden, you know, you get all this work done for no apparent reason. You know, like, there's no rhyme or reason to your decisions.

[00:22:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. It's just like you wake up just one day and say, yeah, that's what I wanna do.

[00:22:03]

Stephen Licciardello: The other one is obsession with the past, like absolute preoccupation with past decisions, regrets, and often wanting to re go back to it. And then that that's another sign, isn't it? Like, they're obsessed with their past, and then all of a sudden they're doing things that they used to do as a youth. And you're like Yeah.

[00:22:24]

Sharlene Licciardello: Trying to recapture the youth, dressing like a young person.

[00:22:27]

Stephen Licciardello: What is going on with you? Like, seriously, since when do you wear bomber pads and a bomber jacket and and start skateboarding? All the again, the high it's the high risk behavior. Yeah. You know, it's you know, for instance, you know, used to take drugs and haven't taken, you know, participant now I'm talking about recreational drugs, and all of a sudden, you're going back into those recreational drugs, and you're like, that behavior, that obsession with the past and recapturing is something really typical of a midlife crisis. You know, the party drugs, and all of a sudden, they're partying again. And you're like, this is not aligning with who you are. Yeah.

[00:23:07]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know? It's like, kind of almost like dropping all the responsibilities of what you used to have for that young lifestyles that you said, like, where you didn't have to worry about anything.

[00:23:18]

Stephen Licciardello: Like, if you are, for instance, in your forties and fifties, and you have always had a good time, and you've always gone out and Mhmm. Partied and and, you know, and it hasn't changed throughout the years. Mhmm. That's not a midlife crisis. No. It's the sudden change.

[00:23:35]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. That's right. It's a sudden change out of the blue.

[00:23:38]

Stephen Licciardello: Out of the blue. That's why, oh, this just does not

[00:23:41]

Sharlene Licciardello: Alex, what's going on there? Right? So there's a desire for major change. There's that strong urge to make those life altering changes, like switching careers, relocating, or ending a relationship even.

[00:23:53]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. It's like, you know, let's let's up and go. Let's Yeah. So it's a desire and it's the belief that if I just leave this city

[00:24:01]

Sharlene Licciardello: Everything will be better.

[00:24:02]

Stephen Licciardello: Everything will be better. And it's that unconscious programming that, you know, I think everybody has an element too. Mhmm. Yeah. You know? If I just left her or if I left him, everything's gonna be better. He's the cause of all my, you know, problems, or she's the cause of all my problems, or this job is the cause of all my problems, or this city is the cause, or whatever it is. It's those major decisions not realizing that wherever you go, you're right there.

[00:24:30]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. Can't run away from you.

[00:24:32]

Stephen Licciardello: You can't run away from you. Right? It's the mood swings and irritability, frequent mood swings, irritability, and feelings of sadness and discomfort. Now these mood swings and irritability are caused by the deep dissatisfaction of where you are today.

[00:24:48]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:24:49]

Stephen Licciardello: So you're just angry with life in general.

[00:24:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Yeah. That's right. And, like, you know, you can just you can get caught in it or you can find ways to reevaluate and seek help. Get someone to take you through this.

[00:25:03]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. You're just shitty with life. Yeah. Because you're shitty with life, you're shitty with everyone. Because you're shitty with everyone, you're just irritable.

[00:25:10]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:25:10]

Stephen Licciardello: You know? And then also also, apart from just being shitty with life and all that Mhmm. Another factor it could be, it could be those hormonal changes. Yeah. It could be, you know, the the less resilience at the moment or the, you know, the if you're a woman going through, it could be the those mood swings, it could be hot flashes. Men, it could be the lower resistance because of the lack of cholesterol and therefore the heightened sense of emotions because of the heightened amount of estrogen as well. So there's a lot to play with.

[00:25:41]

Sharlene Licciardello: Imbalances. Right.

[00:25:41]

Stephen Licciardello: Those can be imbalances. Mhmm. The next one is questioning life's purpose. So the deep existential doubt and confusion about the meaning of your life or the place you're in at the moment.

[00:25:54]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:25:54]

Stephen Licciardello: And I think we've already spoken about that. And, you know, it's okay to question your life's purpose. It's okay to realign at any time.

[00:26:02]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Impulsive decisions also play a part in this where you're engaging in risky behaviors all of a sudden, such as extravagant purchases or quitting a stable job without having a plan backup plan.

[00:26:14]

Stephen Licciardello: It's the Ferrari. Mhmm. The celebrity.

[00:26:17]

Sharlene Licciardello: Whatever that looks like. That shiny object.

[00:26:19]

Stephen Licciardello: Okay. Another one. Okay? Yeah. This just came to me. It's the tattoo.

[00:26:25]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh. Yeah.

[00:26:27]

Stephen Licciardello: How many people like, I have tattoos. I'm not against tattoos. Mhmm. But how many people do you usually have that age like, oh, where did that come from? Do you know what I mean? Like, it's it's like, oh, but I've always wanted one. Yeah. You always have, but it's not part of your behavior. Yeah. It's those impulsive decisions.

[00:26:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: And sometimes even going with a really extreme haircut change, like, hairstyle change. Like, you know, you see those ladies in the movies, you know, they had the long hair and all of a sudden just one day, boom, just cut it all off. You know? They just go through such an extreme change.

[00:26:58]

Stephen Licciardello: And sometimes it changes. It's because

[00:27:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: it's a whole another Yeah. And that's okay.

[00:27:02]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Which all from family and friends are beginning to get emotionally disconnected and socially withdrawn from your loved ones. Then not only your family and friends, but also your partner. Yeah. This can lead it can be a sign of a midlife crisis. Increased focus on physical appearance. So heightened concern for your appearance often involved in, like, cosmetic procedures, extreme dining, or excess excessive exercises. Mhmm.

[00:27:28]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, someone who hasn't gone to any of, you know, probably done exercise in their life, but not really good at it or not a regular habit, all of a sudden becoming a CrossFit junkie, which nothing against CrossFit. Mhmm. But, you know, at at certain ages, at 40 with decreased testosterone or things like that happening, there's also the potential increase for injury. Mhmm. So you see a lot of people within that age group, you know, hitting the gym every day, causing injury, and then not being able to go rather than having a more balanced approach to it.

[00:28:02]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. That's right. Just like all of a sudden, like, you know, not considering, like, the stage in life that you're in, just making all these drastic changes without taking it slowly or finding healthy ways to manage that.

[00:28:13]

Stephen Licciardello: Another sign is a change in sleep patterns. So either sleeping too much or sleeping not enough.

[00:28:19]

Sharlene Licciardello: Not getting enough sleep. That's right. Feelings of emptiness. You know, where are you feeling that pervasive sense of emptiness or lack of fulfillment despite the external success of or stability? You know, you got all the success, but you're still like, what am I doing? What is this even this for?

[00:28:34]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And you know what? That feeling of emptiness can actually propel people to a really fulfilled life. You know, like, you've seen a lot of people, like, we we you know, I think Ange who we interviewed in episode 2 Mhmm. You know, she had that feeling of a bit of emptiness in her job, went on a mission trip, and now runs an orphanage in I mean, as a momma to many because she found her fulfillment out of her emptiness. Yeah. So there's actually great things that can happen

[00:29:05]

Sharlene Licciardello: out of it. So it can be a good thing, or it can be bad thing. It just depends on how you respond to it.

[00:29:10]

Stephen Licciardello: So knowing that you're going through a midlife crisis, now how am I gonna respond to it?

[00:29:13]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:29:14]

Stephen Licciardello: So it's really important, Sharlene, addressing the underlying issues of a midlife crisis. It's important to approach the changes with compassion.

[00:29:23]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. And self awareness.

[00:29:25]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. I'm not a very compassionate person.

[00:29:27]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know, we we all have different levels of compassion for different things. Right? So, you know, Psalm 3417 to 18 says offer comfort. These are for comfort during challenging times. It says the righteous cry out and the lord hears them. He delivers them from all their troubles. The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. So turning to god in times of distress can actually provide the strength and comfort needed to navigate these feelings.

[00:29:55]

Stephen Licciardello: I think it's really important that as if you're going through midlife crisis and you can see any of these, that you're just aware of them and just give yourself time to process Yeah. Rather than making any sudden changes based on emotion. So it's really taking the time to really process, really, hey, you know what, I'm not satisfied in my job right now, but I'm just gonna wait, and I'm gonna know when the time is right to leave. You know? That's right. It's making those types of decision. Yeah. Also, seeking some spiritual and professional guidance. You know, talk to a mentor, talk to a pastor, talk to a coach.

[00:30:29]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Talk to a counselor, talk to Sharlene. You know, she's available just to get that guidance.

[00:30:34]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. So Psalm 3522 says, cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you. He will never let the righteous be shaken.

[00:30:43]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. I wonder if we can talk about, does a midlife crisis actually affect men and women differently?

[00:30:51]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's how does it affect us? So, you know, if you think about it, midlife crisis can affect both men and a woman, But their experience can and manifestations can often be different due to societal expectations. So things that people put on them, the gender roles, and personal circumstances.

[00:31:09]

Stephen Licciardello: I think for men, midlife crisis always revolves around career and achievements. So I spoke about that drive before. Yeah. So men place high value and importance around their careers, around financial stability, around other things. And next week, we're gonna talk about, like, one of the ways men place high, values around sex and is around sex. Yeah. So we're gonna talk about that next week. So when that is beginning to get challenged Yeah.

[00:31:37]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, because when like, next week, we're gonna talk about, you know, if men place such high value around sex, and then a woman are going through those mono balances, how is he relating to that, and how is he unconsciously being affected by that, what realizing what's happening, and just how communication is important. But we're gonna dive into that one next week. But these things trigger the crisis in a man. So for women, we see that it's around society and those expectations. Yes. For men, we see it's actually around career, achievement, and sex, which trigger these midlife crisis. So when we feel unfulfilled in these areas, so when a woman is feeling unfulfilled in her role in society or her role or how she's perceived by society or her peers or when a man is feeling unfulfilled around his career, finance, and sex Mhmm. That's what triggers the midlife crisis.

[00:32:34]

Sharlene Licciardello: Wow. Pretty profound.

[00:32:35]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. So it's also, in addition to that, both are facing the loss of vitality and attractiveness.

[00:32:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. Makes sense. Right? It's like even societal status can challenge a man's sense of masculinity and the way he sees himself.

[00:32:50]

Stephen Licciardello: Exactly. And there's, like, the rise of what people would call toxic masculinity these days. But is it toxic? Is it positive? You know, everyone's gonna see it differently. Yeah. And I think, you know, we need to go back to the bible to redefine what masculinity is. But also, we need to go back to the bible to define what feminism is. Yes. You know, and have that balance.

[00:33:13]

Stephen Licciardello: And I think the perfect example of that was Christ. Yeah. He he was balanced in everything.

[00:33:17]

Sharlene Licciardello: So true.

[00:33:18]

Stephen Licciardello: Okay? And so this leads to externalized behaviors. We're trying to validate how others see us. And therefore, we're posting it on social media. So it's a lack of that success. It's a lack of the social validation Right. That causes us to go into these expensive behaviors and items and, you know, have an affair or pursue a risky hobby, you know, or get the 6 pack and the tattoo to go on top of it because we want society to view us in a way that we no longer view ourselves.

[00:34:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. So even though it's almost like even though we might have certain all these, like, flashy things, inside, we're still sort of feeling empty, feeling unfulfilled, feeling like that we're not really worthy, but we that propels us to do more of these things to try and get that validation, And we still kind of we sort of base like, we, I guess, rely on external validation rather than knowing who we are from the inside.

[00:34:26]

Stephen Licciardello: Yep. And so the key Mhmm. Is 1, self love. Yep. And 2, knowing who you are and knowing where your security comes. Yeah. But there's more about women, isn't there?

[00:34:38]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. Yeah. I mean, for women, a menlife crisis may be more emotionally focused. Right? And it's often triggered by life transitions such as menopause. So we're going through all these hormonal changes in our body. Even children leaving home or, like, your the children in your life, they don't have to be your biological children. They might be your nephews or your nieces or if you've taken start to take care of them as your children. But people young people leaving their home your home after you've been caring for them for a long time, or shifts in caregiving roles.

[00:35:09]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Because this is really important too. Because in your forties and fifties and sixties Mhmm. You then become what is called the savage generation. Yeah. Because not only are you caring for your children and you start caring for your children and grandchildren, you're now also the primary caregiver for your parents. Right. And so that identity shift that, hey, I'm no longer their child.

[00:35:34]

Stephen Licciardello: Mhmm. I'm now their caregiver, you know, and their carer, you know, and I'm just thinking of my mother because she makes it known very well. No. You know, when I say no to her, she goes, but you're my carer. If I was to and I don't say no to my mother very often, I'm not allowed because I'm her carer.

[00:35:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know, woman may actually experience a crisis as they realize they've neglected personal goals or dreams and pay for a family or caregiving rules caregiving roles. So, you know, it's that whole, you know, like, regret over the things that they've neglected in their lives because of, you know, them taking priority over something else in their life. And they misplaced this sense of it's almost like a resentment. It's like instead of some people may take it that way that they start to resent the people in their lives that they care for, not realizing that they themselves made that a priority over their own goals. But that's okay because, you know, if you come to a place, you can still move forward and find a new purpose. You can find a new way of coming back to that when you're ready. You know, it can lead to a desire for other things. Right? It can lead to a desire for deeper emotional connections and significant life changes, which that it's just actually a very healthy thing to do.

[00:36:48]

Stephen Licciardello: And Sharlene, as you were talking about that, I remember when I was in bible college, and I remember doctor I think it was doctor Jackie Gray, who is a Australian scholar. And she I think, and I've gotta find this out, but I think she did a study on women pastors versus men pastors in the church and why there were so much more male pastors, ministers in leadership roles, like, I'm not talking about church leadership roles, but I'm talking about, like, at state and executive levels. Right? And her study found it was actually that, what you just said, that women in ministry gave up periods of time of ministry to be mothers, to become children, sorry, to to care for children, to have a family Yeah. And therefore putting the ministry not on hold, but not

[00:37:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: As a priority.

[00:37:46]

Stephen Licciardello: Not as a no. Not as a not that, but more not the pursuit of higher levels of ministry. Does that make sense?

[00:37:53]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. Yes.

[00:37:54]

Stephen Licciardello: Like, just doing what they were doing within the church level and things like that and not pursuing further studies or or, you know, masters and doctrines in theology. And it was just when you were talking about, I'm like that, yeah, it it it's a it's a real thing amongst women. You know, you do put, you know, your career path sometimes on hold for a family and and, you know, decisions like that, and then there's that sense of regret. Yeah. But then there's other women. Like, I look at some of my family members, you know, like, I think of one of my family members, all she ever wanted to be was a mom. Mhmm. And she is fulfilled as a mom.

[00:38:32]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. You know, even with adult kids now, you know, she's still fulfilled being a mom of adult boys, you know. So it really depends on the person.

[00:38:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely.

[00:38:44]

Stephen Licciardello: So I think the key difference often lies in how the crisis is experienced. Yeah. Whereas men tend to externalize their crisis through men will externalize the midlife crisis through lifestyle changes, you know, through the tattoos, through the vis the visible, the younger woman

[00:39:04]

Sharlene Licciardello: The purchases.

[00:39:05]

Stephen Licciardello: The purchases, the, you know, the the toys, the the bling, the things

[00:39:09]

Sharlene Licciardello: like toys. Right?

[00:39:10]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Boy toys and things like that. Whereas women, what you're saying will internalize the struggle emotionally.

[00:39:17]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. They really process and delve deep into their emotions about that.

[00:39:22]

Stephen Licciardello: Which is really interesting because usually it's the opposite. Usually men internalize the emotions. Yeah. And women are more expressive.

[00:39:32]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:39:32]

Stephen Licciardello: But during this phase of midlife crisis, it's almost as though the roles

[00:39:37]

Sharlene Licciardello: Reverse.

[00:39:38]

Stephen Licciardello: Reverse. And that's why there's that confusion as this is not normal. This must be a midlife

[00:39:47]

Sharlene Licciardello: crisis. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of ladies that probably do externalize in some ways. But then there's, like, what I think of internalizing is still I believe that as women, we are very connect connection oriented. So we like to connect with our fellow females. So we'll find someone to talk to about it, but we'll not necessarily, I guess, express it outwardly to the whole world to see.

[00:40:10]

Stephen Licciardello: So understanding these difference can help in addressing the crisis more effectively.

[00:40:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. So Proverbs 3125 reminds us, she is clothed with strength and dignity. She can laugh at the days to come. Now this process encourages women in particular to embrace inner strength during midlife transitions.

[00:40:30]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. I really like that. So I think the difference here is and and the takeaway is to understand the differences than gender differences and recognize that men and women may experience, may express their midlife crisis differently. Yeah. And we do see that. You know? It's very rarely that you will say, well, she's going through a midlife crisis.

[00:40:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: True.

[00:40:52]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, midlife that term midlife crisis is often reserved to men.

[00:40:57]

Sharlene Licciardello: Because they're so obvious about it.

[00:40:59]

Stephen Licciardello: Because they're obvious because of the external demonstration. Mhmm. So I think if you're in a relationship, offer understanding support rather than judgment during this time. And I think that's really important, but I guess it's also understanding. And, you know, like you you gave the the verse for women that their their strength, you know, problem setting 1, their strength is internal. But also for for the men, you know, Ephesians 525 says, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. So it's this mutual dance, this mutual love dance between the husband and wife in open communication. And when next week, we're gonna be talking about how to navigate midlife crisis in your marriage.

[00:41:49]

Sharlene Licciardello: This is gonna be very interesting.

[00:41:50]

Stephen Licciardello: This is yeah. We're we're we're leaving no stone unturned next week.

[00:41:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: Thank you for joining us on the Rewrite Your Story podcast.

[00:41:58]

Stephen Licciardello: We hope you found this episode enlightening.

[00:42:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: For more information on the topics discussed, please visit our website at stephenandSharlene.com.

[00:42:06]

Stephen Licciardello: Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform. Share with your friends and follow us on social media at stevenandSharlene.

[00:42:12]

Sharlene Licciardello: Until next time, stay informed and inspired.

[00:42:15]

Stephen Licciardello: This is steven and Sharlene signing off from the rewrite your story podcast. Thank you, and stay blessed.