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Stephen Licciardello: The wound was already there, and our walls came up. So for about 10 years, we never got involved in church. We would go to church, but we would not get involved in church. You know, we'll go to are, go just when the worship starts, Leave just after the benediction.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Have you experienced hurt from people in church that were meant to be there for you?

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Stephen Licciardello: Has someone spoken words over your life that have caused you to question God's plan for your life?

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Sharlene Licciardello: In today's episode, we talk about the effects of church hurt and how you can find healing.

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Stephen Licciardello: Let's dive in.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Welcome to Read What Your Story, the podcast where change begins with you.

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Stephen Licciardello: We're your host, Stephen and Sharlene.

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Sharlene Licciardello: As professional coaches and mentors trained in various modalities, we have helped and of people

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Stephen Licciardello: bridge the gap between the person they

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Sharlene Licciardello: are and the person they want to be.

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Stephen Licciardello: We bring you conversations with real people who have overcome real setbacks.

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Sharlene Licciardello: You will walk away with practical steps to find more clarity, alignment, and success in any area you want to improve.

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Stephen Licciardello: So join us and discover how you have the power to overcome, to change, and to rewrite your story.

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Sharlene Licciardello: So pick up the pen. Your new chapter starts now.

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Stephen Licciardello: Well, today, Sharlene, we're gonna be talking about church hurt and the impact that it can have on people and how to find healing through church hurt. And we're gonna dive straight into this today, but also throughout and, debunk our experience with church hope. But first of all, we wanna say that church hurt is very real. Yes. And usually, it's well intended people that are bringing forth the encouragement, but probably don't do it in a good way.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Probably either in a very fledgling way or not in a very gentle way.

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Stephen Licciardello: Not in a very gentle way. I like that. You know? Yeah. Probably not demonstrating the fruit of the spirit. And Jesus said, by their fruits, you will know. I guess the first thing is let's talk about the distinguish between church hurt and religious trauma because though they're 2 very similar, there are certain differences and and we need to really debunk that. But I also wanna say that, you know, we really hope and pray that this episode will bring healing. Yes.

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Stephen Licciardello: And and realizing that we are all sinners.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. Yeah. And there's Stephen in our own goodness, we cannot please god without, you know, having faith in him because, well, really, once that verse, it says, all our good works are like filthy bags to him. Right? Yeah. How can we win in that way?

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And we and we need grace. We need salvation. You know, what Christ did for us on Calvary, but we also need to see people through the cross. And when we start seeing people through the cross and his ultimate sacrifice, that we're not better than anyone else. Yeah. You know, that he shed his blood for everyone equally.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. Good sin or bad sin or worse sin. I mean, it's a sin. Right? No one's perfect. So having that lens, knowing that no one is perfect, I guess that sort of helps us realize that, you know, it's hard for us to really judge someone. Like, there's difference between really judging someone and holding someone to account Mhmm. What they did or said that may be hurtful.

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Stephen Licciardello: That's good. So let's talk about what church hurt is. Church hurt often results, from conflict, misunderstandings, or negative experience with the church community. And it can lead to feelings of betrayal, disappointment, and emotional pain. Okay? So if we look at that, it's that's what church heard is. You know someone has said something, someone has done something, and you're like, Woah. They're meant to be a Christian. You know again they're all sinners.

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Stephen Licciardello: Why did they do that or why did they say that or you know like how can they you know they're just hypocrites the or or things like that. So that's usually church hurt. Whereas religious trauma and we're not gonna go deep into this, but I just wanna see what show people what the difference is. Religious trauma is deeper and more severe, and it involves intense psychological distress streaming from harmful religious teachings or practices, and it's often a long term emotional and mental health issue. And people really do need, a lot of support and and healing in the, and professional help. And, you know, a lot of religious trauma, we see it a lot in cults. We see it a lot in over controlling our church environments and groups and also when there is a lot of manipulation from the pulpit to make people feel bad where they're not actually being fed. They're actually being manipulated.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

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Stephen Licciardello: And Coerced. And coer coerced. I like the. Coerced. Whereas church herd is more of our dealings and to 1 with people. It's also our dealings with our leadership in church. But I just wanna say, you know, if we really wanna heal from church hurt, you know, god is so good. He is able to show you and grow you through this experience.

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Sharlene Licciardello: I like that. Showing and grow you.

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Stephen Licciardello: Show you and grow and through this experience. So we need to recognize that both are painful. Yeah. And the intensity and the impact can vary from individual to individual. Also recognizing the church is not for saints.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. It's a hospital for sinners.

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Stephen Licciardello: The for sinners, you know? And you may have heard that before. So don't expect perfection from the pulpit. Don't expect perfection and well, we should be holy, I guess. You know? But don't expect saints

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Sharlene Licciardello: from and.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. From the pulpit because we are all sinners, and as we said before, needing grace. So understanding the distinction between both can also allow us to get the appropriate healing we need. You know? We have experienced ourselves church hurt.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yes.

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Stephen Licciardello: Okay? I won't say it was trauma, though it was traumatic at the time because we weren't we made decisive choices and decisions to leave that environment. Yeah. And, yeah, people said silly things after we left. Our friends, you know, we didn't have those circle of friends we had before, but we did that which was important for us as well. So I just wanna say that not all wounds are the same and recognizing the difference between church, home, and religious trauma can also be the step towards healing, and that's really important.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. And a lot of it comes from misunderstanding and religious miscommunication.

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Stephen Licciardello: I love what Are 17 verse 3 says. It says, he heals a are and binds up their wounds. And we really pray that this episode would just do that for people.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. You know, Razi 1815 to 17 says, if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault just between the 2 of you. And in some places, it that includes Gensley. Yeah. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And so I guess the first part of church hurt is sometimes we gossip about that rather than seek support. And we gonna bring the. So if someone has wronged you in that church community are has said something that has offended you and we know that Satan uses offense as a real hook to divide the church. Yeah. You know, I think John Bevere has written the book debate of Satan, which talks about offense. You know?

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Sharlene Licciardello: Pretty much. Sorry. You're you're hang You know, sometimes you're and, like, in all organizations, you'll come across a lot of narcissistic people that will not take responsibility for their own actions or the words that they choose to use in a really negative way, because they want to try and teach you something in an unkind way. But then when you respond to that, when you react to that and express that you've been hurt, express that that's not a nice thing to receive, then you are blamed for your reaction.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. It's your fault if you got offended.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Why why did you get offended in the first place?

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. So we really want to talk about what is gossip. So if you're being the receiver of church and and as we said, it is quite painful as well. Gossip, many people mistake gossip for seeking support.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Or sharing.

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Stephen Licciardello: Or sharing. Okay. Good point. So gossip is sharing negative information about others without a purpose or without a constructive purpose, and it often leads to more division and harm. So if you're being hurt and you're talking about the hurt with no purpose behind and, but just you know, we're praying for them or we're warning others. That's not actually going to and bring healing and 2 it's actually not gonna support the other person as well because what we're doing is actually an eye for an eye.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. We're reciprocating that hurt, But we're doing it in a way that is not fruitful and does not bring Christ into the picture.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. That's are. And then it's usually done in the context of, oh, are know, these people are the good and try to put, like, bad character on the people that hurt us, like you said, and half are eye. But there's a difference between that and just expressing what I'd say happened to you and making it about your experience, not about the other person.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. So it's it's about what you know, do you actually have a purpose for what you're sharing? Whereas, when you're sharing to seek support, that is sharing your experience with trusted individuals for the purpose of finding healing, advice, and encouragement. And I think you hit the nail on the head. You're sharing it from your experience. What you interpreted and how it has affected you, seeking support to heal.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And then your perspective, you know, because sometimes people go out to share these things like we think, you know, we we we wanna express how we got hurt, but then we look for people that will confirm how we feel about that rather than seeking support to grow, to heal, and to learn.

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Stephen Licciardello: So when we look at our experience with church hurt, there there was many ways that you can deal with Church Heart and we did not deal with it the correct way. And because we did not deal with it the correct way, we can share what we've learned through that experience. About 15 years ago now, we were in leadership in a church. We we were serving the church. It was the church we got married. But some of the teachings at the time went down a new pathway, and they just weren't gelling with me, Sharlene.

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Sharlene Licciardello: And we couldn't see it anywhere in the bible. It was hard for us to sort of sit with.

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Stephen Licciardello: We actually spoke about it. We, to the leadership, we didn't go around speaking to others about it because that was our experiences. We were told we had to submit, you know. And, you know, we sat with that for a little while. And then because we were told we had to submit, you know, where the Bible does say submit and to another, not just submit to to leadership, but and submission is done in love.

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Sharlene Licciardello: It's giving way to someone else to allow them to grow.

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Stephen Licciardello: And to serve, and it's done in a way of service. Again, it just wasn't gelling with us. And then finally, the straw that broke the camel's back when, again, we say, hey, we're not agreeing with this. Some words were spoken over us that actually really damaged our walk. You know? And, yes, I took offense, and it really damaged my walk with Christ to the point where we left the church for Sharlene after those words were spoken over us. Sharlene's like, we're not going back. However, the wound was already there, and our walls came up. So for about 10 years, we never got involved in church.

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Stephen Licciardello: Would go to church, but we would not get involved in church. Sneak out the back door. No, we'll go to are, go just when the worship starts, Leave just after the benediction. We were really hurt. Yeah. Because

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Sharlene Licciardello: Hard to navigate, are to balance the whole spiritual side of your life with trying to work out this feeling. Like, what what's going on with this hurt that we're experiencing and lot? Is it how do you form bonds and form connections when there's a wall start?

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And I think it's really important, you know. People in leadership need to be open to how they make people feel and how their words are actually affecting people. And sometimes, if people walk out of the church or if people leave the church

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Sharlene Licciardello: There must be something happening.

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Stephen Licciardello: There must be some like, yeah, there's general reasons why people leave the church. You know? Yeah. God could be calling them to something else, which is fine. But be open for feedback as well.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know, be open. You know, one of my friends who is also who's a Christian always says feedback is a gift. Yeah. And I think as Christians, we need to be open to feedback to the way our words are coming across others that we're not causing hurt. And if we have caused hurt unintentionally because and, we will all cause hurt. We will all cause pain at one point. We will all say something. You know, we will all have foot and mouth and say something that we regret.

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Stephen Licciardello: Be open to apologize. Be open to truly see Be real. Yeah. Be real and actually restore that relationship.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. It's it's something recently that you're really hitting me very strongly is that god is a relational god. He wants to have relationship with us. That's why he made a way for us to have that relationship with him. And that's how we should be. We don't wanna let our ego and and our perceived perception of ourselves to get in the way of having a relationship with other people.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. So seeking healing is about being intentional with our conversations and seeking support rather than just venting.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know, rather than having verbal diarrhea and venting your frustration, go to someone you trust and say, hey, I'm just experiencing this at the moment. These are the circumstances. Can you just help me debunk the? Break it down. Is this actually something that's hurt? Like, is this something that I've been triggered from? Something that I haven't resolved with the Lord from my past? Is it something that is reminding me of a previous wound? Help me to make sense of this. Yeah. And like, sometimes the person may say, hey, that is actually not healthy. And I would really suggest that you look into the to that further whether that is the place for you to

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Sharlene Licciardello: grow. That's alright. And don't be afraid to find a different community to grow in. Just because you've spent a lot of time at one place doesn't mean you're tied to that place. Yeah. You know, God wants us to move and he wants us to be able to grow. So whether that means growing where you are or growing somewhere else, but he will use that.

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Stephen Licciardello: And we're not encouraging are Sharlene chocolates.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's true. But as in, like, if you feel like God is calling you to go somewhere and you know that he's called you to go into a particular place to grow, then right. You know? But like us don't take our example of church hopping and going from are place to another because you never saw God to give us direction about which church to go to. We just kept trying to find something that we would be able to fit in with. Right?

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Stephen Licciardello: And it was also trying to Like when people started to ask too many questions, and again, those walls are up, we're like, hey, we're out of here. So because we didn't want people in our lives at the time. So I would say choose wise and godly counsel that encourages hearing and reconciliation. The first aim is reconciliation. But if reconciliation can't be sought, then maybe it is time for you to seek God what he wants for you in the future.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know? And we see that Proverbs 18/21 and, life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. So again, what are we speaking over people? You know, are we actually and you know what it reminds me of, you know, sometimes people are judgy. Okay? Because you don't fit into their mold, so they judge you. And I was thinking about this the other day, and I was thinking, you know, when the prophet went to David, when he had sinned against Bathsheba. Right? And we knew that, like, when the prophet went to David, David received the rebuke. Right? God spoke to the prophet and said, go to David. So God orchestrated that situation and prepared David. And sometimes church hurt happens when, yes, there is genuine need for accountability in a certain situation, but we go to hastily not seeking the lord, not seeking what god wants in that situation for that person, bringing a word too quick, bringing a word too soon, where the lord has not prepared that soil, where the lord has not prepared the seed, and therefore, church, how it happens.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. And thing I've learned, like, recently, been reading this really great book, and it talks about being able to be transparent and honest and vulnerable. If you feel like god is giving you a word for someone, be honest about our humanness. Like, don't assume that god's giving me that word and make it all thus says God, you know, because it can be very damaging if it's not the right thing and be open to be, okay with making mistakes and know that we are humans. So, like, make it out that I feel as though I have a word. It may be from God are may not be from God, but the

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Stephen Licciardello: just what you

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Sharlene Licciardello: see from god.

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Stephen Licciardello: This is what I'm sharing. This is what I share. Just seek god and see if it's for you. Now I remember ages ago, like years years ago, before our IVF journey, that someone called us to the front to pray for us and started prophesying all these children. We're gonna have so many children and things like that. And and, you know, you seek god, you seek god, you pray, you pray, you pray, and you go through all the cycles of IVF, and and you're like, but, you know, what's happening here? And it it just led deeper into Church Road. And the more I thought about it, the more like, was that really God? Or was it the fact that, hey, we're a couple. We've been married for so many years.

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Stephen Licciardello: We don't have children. It's not rocket science the, you know, people want kids.

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Sharlene Licciardello: It's usually an assumption of people.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. It's an assumption of people. And, therefore, you know, I I wonder what you said is so true. Is this from god are isn't it? Just take it on board, seek him, and see what you wanna do with this information. And

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Sharlene Licciardello: you're willing to admit when you made a mistake.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Because we're all learning. Right?

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Sharlene Licciardello: We're all learning to hear God's voice.

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Stephen Licciardello: You know, going back to finding the people you can ask and be accountable for and and mentor you when you're going through her. You know, I love what Proverbs 11:3 says. It says, gossip betray a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. You know? And that's why you need to find some really good mentors.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Someone who will attract you to grow and to to be better.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. So how do you heal from church hurt? Okay? And is finding that trusted person. 2nd, it's actually through in church that we heal from church hurt. And people people would actually you know, like, your healing happens in community. And so last year, Sharlene and I were going to a church, and again, we weren't getting involved. We had our walls up still. We weren't getting involved. We were still doing our podcast.

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Stephen Licciardello: We were still doing everything, but not getting involved in the church community. And we went to a conference at the end of last year in Orlando, Florida. And one of the speakers was talking about the and I've probably spoken about this before. Right? But one of the speakers was talking about their, journey with alcoholism and and finding healing through AA. He said that the one liner he said was healing happens in community. And that was just like a arrow to the heart for me because I had avoided community for so long.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Like the the, basically.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yep. And I remember that during the conference, I'm like, okay, God, you're saying healing is gonna happen in community, Then I really ask that you would bring us to a community that we can heal. And, you know, it's so amazing how God answers your prayers because I think we had gotten back to Australia. It was about 2 or 3 weeks, and I was still praying. And this article came up on about this church in Australia. And I sent it to Sharlene. And the article wasn't good or bad. It was just an article.

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Stephen Licciardello: There was a few things happening in Australia around churches at the time, and I think the publishers probably wanted to write this article in light of what was happening with a few of the major churches in Australia. And

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Sharlene Licciardello: It's funny. I didn't even pick that up in the Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: And I was reading that, and I'm like, hey. I wanna check this out. Right? So we just left it. We just kept praying and just left it. And then we ended up checking it out. Yeah. And from day 1, we were like, wow. You know, this is really where where the lord wants us, and this is a place where we can grow.

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Stephen Licciardello: But not only that, we had to become vulnerable again.

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Sharlene Licciardello: I think they it's it's almost like, you know, before when we had those walls up, it's like people would sort of sense that. So no one would approach us, like, except for, like, obviously, the family in our church would. Right? But, you know, when we came to this place where, you know, we've been asking God, alright, God, you know, this is time for you to show us what you want us to be. Where can we go to grow and become better and refined healing? And he must have done already started the work. So when we got to this new place, instantly, within the the, what, half an hour, we had 5 people come to us.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And the was and even the message that day was so healing. And obviously, we had prayed about it a lot and chosen it as our home church and we're committed there. But I just wanted to say that from there, I remember the and or third day someone called us, right? Who's actually a good friend of us now from the church. And I'm like, how did you get my number? Who are you? What do you want? Would you like me? You're too happy for me.

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Sharlene Licciardello: I can actually tell

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Stephen Licciardello: her that. No. No. I can tell her that. You know? My inside voice is like, how do they get my number? Are? But, again, her invite to to attend connect group has brought a lot of healing. And our connect has become our family. And we're able to pray together. We're able to just do life together.

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Stephen Licciardello: What is amazing as what I love is that this couple who have become friends also had a background of church hurt, but they dealt with it totally different. They didn't walk away from the church. They went into the they went towards the lord. And through their experience, what it has helped me to and, and Sharlene, you know, to understand is when we quote man or our expectations of man before what the lord is saying, we actually open ourselves up to more church, to more hurt. Sorry. And we need and we need to realize that need to run to Jesus during these times of church hurt.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, yeah. Because even Jesus himself dealt with a lot of hypocrites in hosts day and called them out. You know? So it's not Jesus that we have the issue with. It's hypocrites. But then at the end of the day, we're all sinners, and that's why we need Jesus.

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Stephen Licciardello: So why does healing happen in church, and why does healing happen church heart healing happen in community? Because it is the community of god that reflects his love and grace. And when we embrace the community that God is calling us, we can experience his love and grace.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. We really, we do need the community because he uses community to heal us.

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Stephen Licciardello: And our advice to you from our personal experience, and and please feel free to reject this, is don't isolate yourself, but seek a community that embodies the true teaching of Jesus. And what I love about our church, and if you're experienced church and and you're looking for a community, we have and online, church as well, online campus. And and, you know, you just have to email us for the details or anything like that, and we're we're happy to support you through that process. But I also wanna encourage you, it took us 10 years, 10 to 15 years to find this community. You know? So be patient and prayerful, when finding a new church, a new church home that can support your spiritual growth.

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Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. Support your spiritual growth and supports you as a family. One of the things I love is that in math series, it says, for where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I am with them. So it's not just and. It's where 2 or 3 are gathered is with them.

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Stephen Licciardello: And because research actually shows that a community support is vital for recovery from trauma, including spiritual religious trauma.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely.

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Stephen Licciardello: And, you know, we we've had other extremes there. We've seen people with religious hurt or or church hurt that have totally left the church and totally left God, and we weren't involved in church. And though we, you know, we went through periods of time where I probably wasn't, you know, I questioned my faith. I questioned, you know, the deity of Christ. But then I knew what he had already done for me. And I knew that he was real. So I don't think questioning is a bad thing. But it's it's sad when people walk away because of that hurdle, because of that trauma from the one who is able to heal them from the pain and the trauma.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And the they go to look for answers outside, you know, to, I guess, support their own the of questioning. But instead of going to the actual author of, you know, where this is coming from and then the bible, asking questions about the Bible with everybody else. So it's always good like, you know, I think God's shoulders are big enough to handle our disbelief.

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Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. You know, something just came to me. And I think a lot of people judge other people's relationship with Christ or compare their relationship with Christ or, you know, to other people's relationship with Christ. And, like, my relationship with you is my relationship with you.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

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Stephen Licciardello: Your relationship with someone else is your relationship with someone else, and it's not equal to our relationship together. So why do we believe that the God of the universe, the God of heaven and earth, relationship with every individual is gonna be the same? He meets you where you are, and he met us where we were at.

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Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Your relationship with God is different from my relationship with God. Yeah. But love him, but, you know, he speaks to you probably differently than he would speak to me.

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Stephen Licciardello: Absolutely. You know? And the convictions he brings to my heart are different to the convictions he brings to your heart. And, you know, during this time, I was searching, you know, other modalities and other things trying to fill the void that I was missing in community. And it was actually the community of Christ, my brothers and sisters the I was missing out on. And I love what Hebrews 1025 says, not giving up the meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another. And all the are, as you see the day approaching.

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Sharlene Licciardello: And so and front of the voice, it says, let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but encourage one another. Encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching.

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Stephen Licciardello: Now little disclaimer, if there's anyone in my church hearing this, they probably don't know this, but I don't like people hugging me. I don't do hugs. Right? I just don't like people hugging me. Right? And like

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Sharlene Licciardello: I'm the exception.

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Stephen Licciardello: The. So again, that was another place where I had to become vulnerable because I'm like, I don't know you, Garrett. Don't come into my personal space. But realizing, again, it was a war that I had put up because meaning you were coming into my personal space is a place where I need to become vulnerable.

[00:29:18]

Sharlene Licciardello: I've noticed that as well, but I I feel as well when are comfortable with someone, you're more likely to put those walls down. Yeah. And I feel like we've found that place, Roy.

[00:29:29]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. So trusting god despite church hurt is the next part. So sometimes church hurt occurs when we place our trust in people rather than God. Our trust needs to be in the Lord. You know?

[00:29:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: I I know. Sometimes you can put idols up of people. Right? And are think, oh, the person is amazing.

[00:29:48]

Stephen Licciardello: Are just smashes them.

[00:29:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, gosh. She smashes it a major loop.

[00:29:53]

Stephen Licciardello: And you know what? We know that churches don't get it right. We know that pastors don't get it right. It's always in the media. We know that sometimes there's manipulation from the pulpit and all the. But if our relationship with Christ is strong and solid, then we can discern the, And we can make an informed decision Yeah. Rather than a decision based on hurt. Yeah.

[00:30:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: And we're not gonna be afraid to call something out as well. I mean, like, it's okay to bring up a matter and question it and talk about it, you know, in a civil way, right, and not be hurt by it, but just question what was brought out.

[00:30:31]

Stephen Licciardello: And sometimes, God uses our painful experiences to rebuild and strengthen us. You know, to give us resilience, to give us you know, maybe we had to go through that so that we could record this podcast because he turns our messes into messages. Yes. You know? And so now that, you know, the The has totally healed us and we can trust the church community again, we can help others as well.

[00:30:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: So we can redirect trust and the towards god who never fails.

[00:30:59]

Stephen Licciardello: And recognize that god can bring good out of the most painful experience.

[00:31:04]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. It said that in Psalms and verse 8, it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans because he's the one will that will never let you down.

[00:31:14]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And you know what I find really interesting is there there are actually psychological psychological studies done on religious trauma and religious hurt. Mhmm. And it's found that strong personal faith can actually be the buffer against the effects of religious trauma and and and, hurt. Yeah. So if your trust is in the Lord, you know, Proverbs 3 verse 5 and 6 says, trust in the Lord with all your are. Lean not on your own understanding and all your ways acknowledging and he shall direct your plot, path. So if we actually trust in him and put our hope in him, it's actually the buffer from the hurt, you know.

[00:31:58]

Stephen Licciardello: And so the enemy is using it to so that we take our eyes off of the Lord, and put it on the circumstance rather than taking our eyes off the circumstance and putting them back in the Lord where our hope lies.

[00:32:13]

Sharlene Licciardello: Romans 828 says, and we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been the according to his purpose.

[00:32:22]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Just trust him that he's going to work it out for you. Just trust that he's going to work it out. Like, who would have thought, you know, 15 years ago that we would have a podcast that, you know

[00:32:32]

Sharlene Licciardello: On Church Hurt.

[00:32:33]

Stephen Licciardello: On Church Hurt that's gone gone globally. You know? Like, who would have thought a year ago we would have done this episode? But, you know, he works all things out for his purpose. Remember that healing is a journey. Healing is not a sprint. It's a journey. So some steps to take away with dealing with church hurt is acknowledge, yeah, you've been hurt. Seek the support you need. Set the boundaries you need to set if you need to.

[00:33:01]

Stephen Licciardello: Don't gossip about it because, you know, it's not gonna do anything to make the situation better. But talk in a way that has a positive outcome and find support in a community within the church or with or even if you've got to find professional support outside of the church and remember the role that forgiveness plays in healing. Yes. They've hurt you. Yes. They've wronged you But we need to remember that the same Christ that died for you also died for them.

[00:33:31]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:33:32]

Stephen Licciardello: And maybe something inside of them is still not healed.

[00:33:37]

Sharlene Licciardello: One of the key takeaways is that healing is a personal journey that requires time and support. So allow yourself time. Allow yourself to find the support that you need to get for yourself to move forward and to be able to heal.

[00:33:51]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And remembering that forgiveness is crucial, but does not mean agreeing with what was done.

[00:33:57]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:33:57]

Stephen Licciardello: You can set boundaries. You can keep people accountable.

[00:33:59]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. It doesn't mean that you're gonna go keep going back to get and again and again and again because that's just not learning from the lesson. Mhmm. It's just learning to let go of the need to hold it against someone, but knowing that what was done was not right.

[00:34:15]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, Martin Luther King said forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a constant attitude.

[00:34:20]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:34:20]

Stephen Licciardello: It's a hard attitude.

[00:34:22]

Sharlene Licciardello: Hard line to

[00:34:23]

Stephen Licciardello: It's a hard to

[00:34:24]

Sharlene Licciardello: walk away.

[00:34:24]

Stephen Licciardello: But there's a constant attitude, and and it can bring so much. You know? And Colossians 3:13 says, bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the lord forgave you.

[00:34:38]

Sharlene Licciardello: Ephesians 4:0:2 says, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ, god forgave you.

[00:34:46]

Stephen Licciardello: So So what we're gonna do is we're actually gonna pray for our listeners today and anyone that has experienced church heart that, you know you can find community, you can find healing, but also you can find God's purpose through it all. So father we just come to you in the name of your son and father we pray for every person father God that is listening, that has been hurt father God, in church, father god, experienced some event are words or whatever it is, father god, that has been spoken to them, father, that is not according to your divine plan for our lives father god I ask father the you'll bring healing father god I ask father god that you will bring restoration, father are, and that father god, any word that has been spoken against others in a way that has not brought glory to you. We just break the power of those words now in Jesus name. And father we pray that you would bring and, Father God, that you would bring healing to the hearts of those that have left the Church, Father God, that are not walking with you, Father God. And I pray also, lord, that you'll bring healing to those that are still walking with you, father god, that haven't found that community that they can belong to, father. I pray that you would bring restoration, that you will bring healing, father, and that they will come to know the love of Christ. Also, bring them to a place where they can forgive, father. We ask this in Jesus' name.

[00:36:14]

Stephen Licciardello: Amen.

[00:36:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: Thank you for joining us on the Rewrite Your Story podcast.

[00:36:19]

Stephen Licciardello: We hope you found this episode enlightening.

[00:36:21]

Sharlene Licciardello: For more information on the topics discussed, please visit our website and.

[00:36:26]

Stephen Licciardello: Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform. Share with your friends and follow us on social media at stevenandsharlene.

[00:36:33]

Sharlene Licciardello: Until next time, stay informed and inspired.

[00:36:36]

Stephen Licciardello: This is steven and Sharlene signing off from the rewrite your story podcast. Thank you, and stay

[00:36:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: blessed.