[00:00:00]

Stephen Licciardello: She had so many wonderful stories. But one day, as I was sitting on her end of her bed, she began to tell me all her regrets in life. And she began to tell me, does talking about death and dying scare you?

[00:00:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: Death is a natural part of life, but it's a topic most of us prefer not to discuss. Still, normalizing these conversations can help us process our own relationship with death, empowering us to make peace with our mortality.

[00:00:28]

Stephen Licciardello: In today's episode, we have an open conversation about death, dying, and how to start living life to the fullest whilst embracing your own mortality.

[00:00:36]

Sharlene Licciardello: Let's dive in. Welcome to rewrite your story, the podcast where change begins with you.

[00:00:43]

Stephen Licciardello: We're your hosts, Stephen and Sharlene.

[00:00:44]

Sharlene Licciardello: As professional coaches and mentors trained in various modalities, we have helped and of people

[00:00:50]

Stephen Licciardello: Bridge the gap between the person they are

[00:00:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: and the person they want to be.

[00:00:53]

Stephen Licciardello: We bring you conversations with real people the have overcome real setbacks.

[00:00:58]

Sharlene Licciardello: You will walk away with practical steps to find more clarity, alignment, and success in any area you want to improve.

[00:01:04]

Stephen Licciardello: So join us and discover how you have the power to overcome, to change, and to rewrite your story.

[00:01:10]

Sharlene Licciardello: So pick up the pen. Your new chapter starts now.

[00:01:15]

Stephen Licciardello: Well, today, Sharlene, we're gonna be talking about a topic that we're quite passionate about the can be considered a little bit heavy or taboo or dark maybe. Mhmm. We're gonna be talking about death, dying, and why actually normalize death and dying.

[00:01:31]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. It's gonna be a really hurtling, not too heavy, session today.

[00:01:37]

Stephen Licciardello: But it's really important that we actually embrace death and we embrace dying because when we embrace death, we can actually discover our purpose and live a more fulfilling life.

[00:01:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. It's gonna be so exciting to rediscover a new purpose in our life.

[00:01:51]

Stephen Licciardello: Yep. And so let's talk a bit about why me and you are passionate about death and dying. So my, passion well, passion's a a weird word, isn't it? Like, I'm passionate about death and dying. Well, what I mean by that is my background is in palliative care. And so, before we went into coaching and stuff like that, I, many, many, many, many years ago, was a nurse and gravitated towards palliative care and have assisted a lot of people and being with a lot of people during the final moments of their life. And I'm going to share some stories throughout. And when I say stories, not stories about someone dying, but lessons that I learned through the process. And because I can no longer well, I'm no longer a registered nurse and no longer working in nursing, I am a death cafe facilitator, which basically death cafes are where groups of people come around, and we talk about death and dying, and we try to normalize the discussion by giving people advice on how to talk about death and dying.

[00:02:55]

Stephen Licciardello: People might be terminal and attend are people might have lost someone at attend are someone just wants some good advice on they're not dying, but they just want practical advice on how to approach the subject with an elderly parent, for instance, or how to approach the subject with their partner or with their children on death, dying, and what their wishes are.

[00:03:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: No. I I think firsthand having had an early death in the family when I was 25, I had my father passed away, not ever having really spoken with him about the concept of death or what that means for us. So just losing him all of a sudden was like and not having had that conversation was like, it was so important for me to to know what to do next. So if I could help to alleviate that pain for someone else and help someone be able to be in the know as to how to approach these subjects with other people, that that would be really rewarding for me.

[00:03:52]

Stephen Licciardello: And you, you are a death cafe facilitator as well. What is your experience around facilitating death cafes and and why do you find it?

[00:04:03]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. You see so many different people from all walks of life, and they just like, a lot of people have they've not even thought about what it would mean for them to approach the subject with their loved ones are, you know, actually what it's like to prepare. Like, they had never thought about preparing, like the all their things, like getting her affairs in order. That's what we hear a lot of doctors saying, like, where people's that are germinal, they say, you know, get your affairs in order, but why do we have to wait for our affairs, for something to be really bad for us to get our affairs in order?

[00:04:36]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And, like, if you look at us, we're not terminal. We're definitely not dying and we don't plan on dying, but we've got everything in order.

[00:04:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, okay. And the, you know, just having done that, that surprisingly really took a weight off my shoulders. I'd always be really scared of, like, a lot of things in life, like the actual concept of death and like having all these worries about the future. But having done that practice, going through all those things, getting out of phase in order really took that load off my shoulders.

[00:05:06]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And so I guess what we're gonna do is we're gonna talk about death and dying. We're gonna talk about why it's important to have those conversations around death and dying. But also, we're going to talk about why and we embrace death, once we embrace that we're actually mortal and we are going to die, We can start living.

[00:05:26]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. I'm not that.

[00:05:27]

Stephen Licciardello: And I think we'll start with a quote. We'll start with Socrates, if you are.

[00:05:31]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. So Socrates says, to fear death, gentlemen, is no other than to think oneself wise when one is not. No one knows whether death may not be the greatest of all blessings for a man. Yet men view it as if they knew that it is the greatest of evils.

[00:05:47]

Stephen Licciardello: And I think that's really important because we fear it thinking that it's the greatest of evil, but we don't know. You know? And I actually like what Paul Songa said. And if you look at him, he died quite young. He died at the age of 55 with non Hodgkinson's, lymphoma, and he was a senator in the US. And he said, don't fear your mortality because it is the very mortality that gives meaning and depth and urgency to all the days that we are granted. And I think that's really important because, you know, if we don't fear it, then we're grateful for the days we have. Once we actually debunk death and and dying and have open conversations, we can actually start living

[00:06:34]

Sharlene Licciardello: yes absolutely and for me I feel like it's not even so much having a blatant you know, non fear of it, but it's just having a healthy respect for the topic of death, knowing that for our mortality, having a healthy respect for our mortality, appreciating that we're not here when no no one's gonna get out of here alive. But the fact is that if we had that healthy respect for that, we would take all the moments that we have, and we really appreciate it.

[00:07:04]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And I think if we look historically, you know, culture has a lot to play with, the discussions around death and dying and and why it's taboo. You know, like, there's negativity. You know? Like, you might have been brought up in a family where we don't talk about that, that we don't celebrate that. But then there's other cultures that do actually talk about death a lot and and celebrate death like, like if we look at Mexico, you know, the the day of the dead. That's that's a whole day where people come together and honor their dead and all that. And that's, you know, like, that might be a way to ease the grief or ease the discussion about death.

[00:07:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: Indonesia.

[00:07:44]

Stephen Licciardello: Indonesia. Yeah.

[00:07:45]

Sharlene Licciardello: You were

[00:07:45]

Stephen Licciardello: in the You knew where I was going. The tribe in Indonesia where they actually keep the dead person in their house for up to 4 to 5 years Yeah. And with preserving oils and things like that. And then once they have the ceremony 4 or 5 years later, once a year or once every so often, they actually bring the dead person out of the grave. You know?

[00:08:09]

Sharlene Licciardello: And It's still in their Sharlene.

[00:08:11]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And they just talk to that person as though that person is still still there. Now, again, these are not practices that I would embrace, but it just goes to show that some cultures, it's a no no, whereas some cultures, they actually do embrace it. So I guess it's about why do you feel there is anxiety around talking about death?

[00:08:36]

Sharlene Licciardello: I think there's a lot of issues around people just skating around other people's feelings, worried that, you know, how are they gonna take it, not wanting to, like, cause anyone, like, fear or anxiety or, like, make someone upset about it. I think also a lot of it's come from the Western culture where, like, children have no longer been are the process of the death. Everything's taken the. It's institutionalized. People have taken the dead people away from the house, so children don't have that exposure anymore. So they're not knowing about these things. So there's always this unknown. No one knows what's happened.

[00:09:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: No one knows what goes on after death. So, like, what and minute you're are, the next minute you're gone.

[00:09:19]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. That's a really good point because if you look at, you know, in the early the early 19th century, death was still the the care of the body was still done at home. And the funeral procession or whatever used to happen from the house, like, they would go from the house to, you know, and that body was in the house for, you know, 24 hosts, 48 hours, whatever it was. And you're so right. It's so institutionalized

[00:09:45]

Sharlene Licciardello: now. Sure.

[00:09:46]

Stephen Licciardello: Why is it important to encourage open discussion and prepare emotionally?

[00:09:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. That's a really great question. It's, it's really important because it, like, you're preparing the people around you, you know, whether you're the person that's going or, you know, you need that closure yourself or you need to talk about these things so that you know what to prepare. Like, it's it's all part of, you know, psychological preparedness, you know, you're getting yourself prepared for the inevitable in the future. So that there's no more of this anxiety about what, what if, what's gonna happen. And you are open to talking about it, then you don't have to worry about it so much every single day, like in the back of your mind. Of of course, I think consciously we're not actually going around every day thinking about it, but having the open conversation, and not talking about every single day, but like at least once in a while, just having an open conversation, talking with people, it gives us that freedom and that safety to talk about something that we may be afraid of usually and then just basing it.

[00:10:46]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And I think too, Sharlene, like if we open it and we talk about it, you know, there needs to be also discussion around your end of life wishes.

[00:10:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:10:55]

Stephen Licciardello: Not only your end of life wishes as in to what type of care you wanna receive. For instance, do you want to die at home are do you want to die in hospice, but also the implications that that's going to have on your family members. So having that discussion as well is so important. But also, if you're a carer for someone, it's really important that you know their wishes as well. Because in my experience as a nurse, when I was in palliative care, there is a lot of guilt and grief with families that don't know if they're doing the right thing for their loved and.

[00:11:34]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. That's a

[00:11:34]

Stephen Licciardello: There's a lot of guilt and families that don't know whether they should still pursue active treatment or they should allow the person to pass. And, again, that goes to knowing that person's wishes. And so by you knowing what you want, then you can actually have that discussion with others much better. For instance, you know, we have spoken about our end of life choices, and and I have personally feel that I don't need to die at home because I know what it takes to care for someone in the home. And I don't want I don't want anyone to do that for me. I would prefer them to, you know, if I'm in the hospitals for my loved ones just to be there while the nurses do what they have to do, for instance. You know? Whereas I have had and I have cared for many family members.

[00:12:25]

Sharlene Licciardello: Seen me do that.

[00:12:26]

Stephen Licciardello: You've seen me do that time after time. I've I've cared for many family members in their home and supported the most immediate family while that person was allowed to transition in the house. You know? And I've been there as a support person, and I also cared for my father when he passed away in the house.

[00:12:45]

Sharlene Licciardello: So I That's a beautiful gift that you've given them, Steven.

[00:12:49]

Stephen Licciardello: Thank you. But knowing that that was their wishes, so I think people's wishes need to come in play. Now we know circumstances doesn't always allow for people's wishes to come into play, and that should not be a reason for guilt as well.

[00:13:03]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. The I think that's why it's so important to have those open conversations to cover all different basis of like, basis so that, you know, if the situation came up so, yes, these are some of the things that I'd like to happen, but I'm taking the onus off you. Like, should anything happen, if it doesn't happen the way I expected it to, if I don't die that particular way are whatever, then, you know, there is a are some other, like, options as well. You You know what I mean? Like looking at different options that could cover those situations.

[00:13:38]

Stephen Licciardello: Absolutely. And I think to looking at the medical model of death and looking at the actual what happens to someone as they're dying if you're doing that at home and if you, are caring for someone at home, it's really good to get a support mechanism like a death doula. Yes. Do you know we know many death doulas in in our field of practice and or a palliative care team that will guide you through that process because there are things that a person will experience as they're dying that can be distressing to the family, but they're not distressing to the actual person. Yeah. And so having that person be that tour can I call it a tour guide the in between that tour guide guiding you through the process is really important as well

[00:14:28]

Sharlene Licciardello: yeah because not everyone's gonna be have that palliative, background like you do? So families that are looking after their loved ones at home need someone who can explain what's going on and to guide them along the process to help care for that person are even for the person who's going. They may not be in the ins stages yet, but for them to be able to be prepared. So that's another service that they offer, isn't it?

[00:14:52]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. You know, like, if I look at some of the common misconceptions when I was a nurse, like, you know, I'm a big believer in morphine when a person is dying to relieve the pain, to relieve the anxiety. And people would say to me, but if you get the family would say, but if you give too much morphine, you're gonna kill them. And, no, that's not the case. You know, that's a huge I don't know what even what to call it. It's a huge myth. Yeah.

[00:15:21]

Stephen Licciardello: It's a huge myth because the body will only take like the body will the morphine when someone is dying, someone is in increased pain. So you're going to need more and more. And when I look at that, the person is dying anyway. So the morphine is not going to actually kill that person. They are dying. Let's make them as comfortable as possible during that process. And that's why it's good to have someone guiding you along the way.

[00:15:49]

Sharlene Licciardello: And think what the the thing that people think that the morphine's gonna kill them sooner, but what they don't realize is that's probably their time anyway, but you're just allowing them to feel comfortable to do so. Giving them that space and that, you know, that comfort to be able to do what they need to do to transition from one side of life to another.

[00:16:09]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And it's actually not gonna kill them. It's just gonna provide comfort. So, Sharlene, moving on, what are, the consequences of not talking about death and things like that?

[00:16:21]

Sharlene Licciardello: Gosh. So many consequences. You know, the guilt that's left behind, the anxiety of not knowing what do I do now? Like, if you haven't had those discussions, like, how do I handle this? Or the person themselves going, I will be blessed with all these regrets, not having expressed anything or not be able to express anymore what they really want, like, how they would like to see themselves knowing. Right?

[00:16:45]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Because it it doesn't stop at death. You know, death is not the final passage when a person is dying. We still have preparations to make. We still have funeral arrangements. Right. And it's knowing what that person's wishes are because there are so many options now. You know, there's cremation.

[00:17:03]

Stephen Licciardello: There's burial. There's aquamation. There's composting is is a thing. It's not available in Australia yet. Aquamation's not available in Australia, but there are other parts of the world that that is available. So what does a person want for their body post death? You know? Do they wanna be donated? And we know that if someone is donated to an university, you have to move really quickly. You've got a 2 hour window period from the time of death to transportation. So it's knowing all of the information that that person or their wishes post death.

[00:17:35]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And I think it's also you look at all the family dramas that come out of it too. You know what I mean? Like, people not knowing what's happening, then they get into all these arguments that this is what they want, this is what they shouldn't do, or they shouldn't do this, you know. But I think as well, if you're worried about talking to family straight away about all the kind of issues, I think it's a good thing to get your affairs in order first with, like, a state to have some like a mediator to talk to a mediator first, get your affairs in order, and then have someone to help you. So get a mediator and to talk with your family on your behalf.

[00:18:08]

Stephen Licciardello: Now how are some strategies that you can open the discussion are how can you have this open communication with others?

[00:18:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's a good question, and I think a lot of things you might need to consider having, I guess, not so much a fun environment, but maybe a light environment where it's not too heavy. Something they all enjoy doing together, and just listen out for little clues, like, in the conversations, things that you can point towards. You know, what happens in that situation? What are you worried about? Like, what the the things like, how would you like, what would happen if you would you die? You know? Like, what would you want to happen? You know? Especially if you're the one who's diet, like, take it off yourself first and put it back on the other people. So, like, how would you feel? What would you like to happen? And then that opens a pathway for them to say, oh, what about you? Then they will get them to talk, ask you those questions. How would you like to die? What would you like to happen if something happened to you?

[00:19:01]

Stephen Licciardello: And I think it's really important that we also have them written down somewhere. Yeah. You know, there's some great resources online. I know that in Australia, there's an organization called the Groundswell Project, which, talk about death, dying, and they have some great things resources available Stephen to some discussion points as well. And they have things like, you know, how to create a health and health care directive, how to have clear communications, how to express your personal wills. They've even got a funeral planner that you've planned your own funeral, you know, and what kind of music do you want? What do you want to be dressed in? Some people do a video.

[00:19:40]

Sharlene Licciardello: I was just so so thinking, Stephen, A lot of the times that people are worried about approaching this subject is because I've heard the many times that children will come around and say, well, you know, we're not ready to lose you yet or, you know, you're not you're not gonna die. You're okay. Don't worry about it. Don't talk. Don't need don't worry.

[00:19:57]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. We get that a lot at death cafes where older parents are saying, my children aren't open, and I wanna share my wishes. And I think just because someone's talking about what their wishes are does not mean they're dying. It means they're they've embraced the reality of life. We are born, we live, we die.

[00:20:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:20:16]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, and I think children allow your parents to have the opportunity to tell you what they want because that's their right, you know? And you shouldn't take that away from them, you know, because that's gonna bring them peace, them comfort, and then allow them to live the rest of their lives knowing that they're gonna be okay.

[00:20:41]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. I guess a lot of people feel like maybe it's rude to talk about the other person's death and, you know, what they want, like, you know, are to ask the parents about, the, what do you want to happen when you die? Because they think, oh, that parent's gonna think, oh, do you want me to and already? You know? But that's far from the truth, you know? Like, it's if you approach the subject very respectfully and gently, and especially if you're the person that like is wanting to get the affairs in order, just being mindful about where they might be and say, oh, you know, I want to talk about a few things and it doesn't mean I'm going to die tomorrow. We never know when we're going to die, but I just want to make sure that everything's settled in the future. And if we can get this out of the way, then I can continue living without worrying about it.

[00:21:25]

Stephen Licciardello: Question. Yes? Have you spoken to your mother about it?

[00:21:28]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, my hosts talks about it all the time.

[00:21:30]

Stephen Licciardello: Okay. Cool.

[00:21:31]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. She's we never used to talk about it before, but I think I think she's learned from after my dad dying Yeah. Like that.

[00:21:38]

Stephen Licciardello: He was 52 when he when he died, and your mom was 51 when he died.

[00:21:42]

Sharlene Licciardello: Look, My mom used to talk about it to me as well. Like, I used to say, no. Don't talk about it. Like, don't worry about it. You know, you're going to you know, you're gonna live. Now are you saying? So I was guilty as well. You know, I used to be one of those, you know, daughters, and I would say, don't talk about it. Don't worry about it.

[00:21:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: You're gonna leave. Right? But after having done my own affairs in order, I realized how important it is to listen to the other person's wishes.

[00:22:04]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Cool. So let's look at what are some practical things that actually talking about death and dying actually does when you have those conversations. First of all, it's the psychological and practical preparedness.

[00:22:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know, I think regular discussions can help, you know, death have lose its sting. You know, that sense of, you know, not knowing what's gonna happen in the future are what's gonna happen if I die, you know. Having that psychological preparedness, knowing that, you know, everyone's taken care of and looked after and then you don't have to worry about the, you settled it in your heart.

[00:22:38]

Stephen Licciardello: That's really good. And by actually talking to your loved ones about death and die, you're preparing them as well.

[00:22:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. It's a gift, really.

[00:22:47]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, it doesn't mean that they grieve less. It means that they grieve. They're more prepared in their grief.

[00:22:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:22:55]

Stephen Licciardello: Not the what if.

[00:22:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: And makes the transition a lot smoother than it would be if they weren't prepared. The other practice as well the a lot of people think that if they talk about death and dying before they're ready, that something's gonna happen straight away. It doesn't mean the. And it doesn't mean that if you give all your wishes, that if you change, it's gonna be stuck that way. Our will, our, like, wishes are a constantly evolving thing. We can change them anytime, but we just need to make sure that we update them as we go along. So as long as, you know, you're prepared to talk about it, then know that you can always change as wishes as you go along every like, even in our goals. Our goals change every day.

[00:23:36]

Sharlene Licciardello: Right? Like, or from year to year or 5 years. So it just mean that it's sent. So

[00:23:42]

Stephen Licciardello: And so by just by having the discussion around death and dying, you're actually normalizing it. Yeah. And that's our whole point. We wanna normalize this discussion, and we reduce the fear associated with death. The second point that talking about death and dying actually does, it strengthens relationships and helps manage grief so open discussion about death can actually strengthen relationships between people by fostering a new openness and help him manage that grief more effectively.

[00:24:12]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. You know, one of the main points of having a healthy relationship is being vulnerable. Right? And what more vulnerable topic to talk about than your own mortality?

[00:24:23]

Stephen Licciardello: Absolutely. Let's look at once we've had the discussions, once we've embraced death, how do we start living?

[00:24:29]

Sharlene Licciardello: How do we start living?

[00:24:31]

Stephen Licciardello: I I heard this the other day, and, Oh, I'm trying to think of her that person's name, Priscilla Shire. So I was I was listening. I was and I was watching a a reel, and she was talking about living your life in per on purpose and and living your life according to, you know, your destiny and and fulfilling that destiny and that purpose. And she said, there's no age to start living like you, young person, who is 20 to say I'm still young to to live for for God or to live for my purpose. She's saying if you die at 30, you've only got 10 years worth of living. And she said to you you old person in your sixties that say I'm too old but if you live until a and you've got 40 years of living and destiny to fulfill so age is not relevant when it comes to living because it's the amount of days that we actually have and I thought that was so so so good.

[00:25:33]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:25:33]

Stephen Licciardello: So when we actually embrace our mortality and we embrace that our days here are numbered, we start to live every day with urgency. Great. Do you know what I mean? And and I just think that's really cool. And so I was listening to her and I was like, okay, let's let's what what bible verse or something can I find out of this one? Okay. And the only one that really came to my mind is when the the man came to Jesus at a Matthew 8 and said, you know, what might lord, I wanna follow you. And Jesus said, well, but first, he said, I wanna bury my father. And Jesus said, follow me and let the dead bury the dead. And I thought, well, okay.

[00:26:17]

Stephen Licciardello: So we're talking about death. Let's use that one. But I I wanna put a different spin on it. You know? So Jesus said, follow me, but he said, I wanna bury my father first. And and people will think, well, that's a bit harsh. You know, Jesus is saying, well, you can't bury your father. Well, when we dive into that, his father wasn't actually dying. He he was, like, just saying, you know, I'll just wait, and then after I'm spent my time with my family and, actually, if you look deeper, a lot of scholars think he was waiting for his inheritance.

[00:26:49]

Stephen Licciardello: Okay? Which is, hey, nothing wrong with the, you know? But what I get out of this is that this man had his priorities wrong

[00:26:57]

Sharlene Licciardello: yep way out of order

[00:26:59]

Stephen Licciardello: he had them out of order and he missed the sense of urgency for living in the moment. Like, he had an opportunity there

[00:27:07]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:27:07]

Stephen Licciardello: To walk with Jesus. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? To be one of Jesus' disciples. Now whatever that is in your world today, you know, it could be a a major goal that you you or a major purpose that you're being called to, but yet your priorities aren't in order, and therefore you're missing out. So when we actually embrace death, we start living with that sense of urgency. And my question is, is there anything like this man that is dead in your life that's holding you back?

[00:27:41]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And we're not talking about a dead relationship that can probably come back to life. We're talking about things.

[00:27:47]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Or, you know, sometimes they are relationships that that you need to cut your dead cats.

[00:27:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: And everything that you can possibly do. Yeah. Like, it's not going anywhere.

[00:27:56]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, sometimes we just need to cut our dead cats loose, you know? And we're not talking about husband and wife relationship or different kinds of relationship. Yeah. Find your tribe that's gonna support you in achieving your goals and living in that urgency. So is there anything holding your back? So sometimes we don't wanna let go of things because we think we're gonna miss out on something. Absolutely. You know? Like, Heath probably thought he's gonna miss out on an inheritance, but yet he got to work. He could have, you know, walked with Jesus, you know, and witnessed all those miracles in his life. So I'm just wondering you know is there anything that you think I don't know I've still got time I've still got you know resources are there things holding you back that you're giving more importance our priority to that you actually should.

[00:28:51]

Stephen Licciardello: Are these things stopping you from embracing the life you have now?

[00:28:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Like because so many times we'll have that one opportunity come knocking on a door and it knocks so loudly, but then you've got all these comfortable things in place. But there's this really great opportunity that could present so much more than what you already have. But because you're comfortable with what you have, is that holding you back from actually fulfilling your purpose and destiny?

[00:29:19]

Stephen Licciardello: Absolutely. And I think that brings us on to procrastination versus action. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, when we become aware that we only have an infinite amount of days left, you know, we start and we're aware of our mortality. This can actually motivate us for immediate action and prioritization of our life's goals. But it also allows us to think, well, actually, what goals in the length of things aren't actually going to serve me? Tell me. And so it actually allows you to align yourself with your purpose. It allows you to align yourself with your destiny because you're living for the end.

[00:30:02]

Stephen Licciardello: You're living for what's what the final goal was. You know, and it reminds me the just came into my mind the scripture that says, you know, I press forward not looking at the things behind. I can't even remember if that Yeah. It goes are something like I press forward looking ahead, and I think that's what we need to do. We need to look ahead at the number of years we have left and really take action in prioritizing what's important to us.

[00:30:29]

Sharlene Licciardello: So then I guess it's not about the amount of time or lack of time that we have, but what we do with the time that we do have here on earth

[00:30:38]

Stephen Licciardello: Absolutely.

[00:30:39]

Sharlene Licciardello: In every single moment.

[00:30:40]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And it it brings us to when we embrace death, when we embrace the discussion around death and dying, we actually begin to live with purpose. You know, I love what Winston Churchill said. He said it's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something.

[00:30:57]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. And a lot

[00:30:58]

Stephen Licciardello: of people are like, well, I don't know what I'm you know, what are my days meant to be? What what is this purpose? You know? What purpose should I have with what I have left? And and, you know, when I say what I have left, you could have a 100 years left. Like, I'm not saying you've only got 5 years later. But if we live every day as though we have a short amount of time left, we will do much are. And that's when we embrace our death. But I love what Bishop T. D. Jakes says. He says, if you can't figure out your purpose, figure out your passion for your passion will lead you right into your purpose.

[00:31:33]

Stephen Licciardello: Usually what we're passionate about unfolds as our purpose.

[00:31:38]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. I love that is the thing that just really gets you up in the morning, this thing that really gets onto your skin and just makes you wanna get out there and do something. And it's like it's the thing that wakes you up on the inside.

[00:31:51]

Stephen Licciardello: So I think as as people, what we need to do is we need to reflect on our values and define our own personal purpose that really resonates in our lives.

[00:32:02]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely.

[00:32:03]

Stephen Licciardello: And that purpose may be like one of our purpose is to normalize the discussions around death. We might be have a really busy week. We might be tired. We might be exhausted. And we're like, the night before, oh, no. Death cafe. Like, do are really have to do that? But it's amazing how energized we get once we're there.

[00:32:23]

Sharlene Licciardello: Like, once you get into it, like, oh my gosh. I got so much energy now. You could just pick up all that drudgery at the beginning, but you just come back the life because you realize how much you love it.

[00:32:34]

Stephen Licciardello: And I think what I love about Death Cafe is, like, we've done, I don't know, heaps of them. Never any the same.

[00:32:42]

Sharlene Licciardello: No. Different.

[00:32:43]

Stephen Licciardello: And the discussions take so many different tangents, and there's never been one experience the same and I just think that's so important as well. So what we encourage you is to evaluate your life's direction and ensure it aligns with your own personal growth and values and discuss with people discuss with your friends you know if you don't know what you're good at if you don't know what you're passionate about ask people. You know? Or another thing is you could just what do you talk most about? What what is the one thing that you could talk for hours and hours about? You know? And these are great ways to start discovering your purpose. These are great ways to start discovering what you're passionate about and then make daily choices.

[00:33:31]

Sharlene Licciardello: And even if you're not sure what that is, like, if you don't have something that you feel like you could talk about forever, it's about just being willing to try different things. Go out there and learn a new skill. Learn something different are find something different. Join a group are find something that really gets under your skin and really brings the alive. Just be willing to fail, like, don't worry. Like, if you don't find it straight away, there'll be something else that comes along. But they're being brave and trying new things each time.

[00:33:59]

Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And I think the final point about embracing death and dying and opening the discussion is the legacy and impact that you can start having now so that once you've passed and once, you know, you're you've left this Earth, what is the legacy you're going to leave? And I'm going to share a story in a moment. But before I share the story, I want to just read a quote, and it's by Shannon Adal, and she says, crave your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched in the minds of others and the stories they share about you. I just think that's so powerful. I'll read again. Crave your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.

[00:34:47]

Stephen Licciardello: So I'm gonna share a story. And and, Sharlene, you you know this story, but I haven't shared it in a long, long time. So when I left high school, the of my first jobs was in an aged care facility. And at that point, I was not really knowing what I wanted to do in life, and I didn't really think I absolutely didn't are do nursing. That was for are. But it was the gateway that and, and it was just a job at the time. And I received a job as a recreational person so I would play bingo I would go on bus trips with the residents in the aged care facility. There was a particular old lady and she was in her eighties at the the, and I just grew very fond of her.

[00:35:30]

Stephen Licciardello: And, you know, this was well, I'm almost 50 now, so we're talking over 30 years ago. So we're talking quite a long time ago, so I I can imagine she's passed. But, you know, the fact that I'm still telling this story means that her legacy lives on. And she was married. She never had children. She had, nieces and nephews that would come and visit her. She would not she was in the aged care facility, but she would not leave her room until 11:30 every day because she would her makeup had to be immaculate. So even in, in her late eighties, she would put on her makeup, do her hair and all that.

[00:36:10]

Stephen Licciardello: And she was one of those ladies that I would just sit on the edge of her bed and listen to her stories. You know, she had so many wonderful stories. But one day, as I was sitting on her end of her bed, she began to tell me all her regrets in life. And she began to tell me everything that she regretted doing and everything. But most of all, everything she regretted not doing that she had wished she had done. And I remember in that moment, it was like I was transported into the future. And it, it was just my imagination. And I just remember sitting as an old man in that chair where she was talking to me with a young teenager, trying to figure out what he wants in life, listening to me and me telling him my regrets of everything I had not done in life.

[00:37:07]

Stephen Licciardello: And I remember coming Stephen, and I was a bit shaken and I was quite yeah. I was really shaken and I was a bit, like, out of it. But I remember saying to myself, I never want to be in that position. I never want to be in the position where someone is listening to me as an old person telling them all my regrets of the things I never did in life. You know? And I just remember that day saying, I'm going to live my life to the fullest. Do you know what I mean? And that was the legacy and the impact that she had on my life. Her name was The, and I used to call Aniette. And I remember I've never forgotten that day, and I've never forgotten her for that very reason because it made me realize that at the end of our lives, we can either live in regret or live in impact yet fulfilled full lives and that really made a lasting impact on me so my question to you is what impact are you gonna make? What is your lasting impact and your lasting legacy that you're gonna make? Now, it doesn't have to be big.

[00:38:14]

Stephen Licciardello: It doesn't even have to be extraordinary. Your purpose and your fulfillment in life might just be to be that grandmother. It might just be to be a mother or a father or a grandfather, or it could be a nation changer history maker. Whatever your purpose is, you know, in your heart and that's been instilled in your DNA.

[00:38:37]

Sharlene Licciardello: Or an auntie or an uncle

[00:38:39]

Stephen Licciardello: or an auntie or an uncle and whatever that is be true to yourself and in death cafes, we talk about legacy wheels and creating a legacy will is what are those unspoken or unseen things that you wanna leave others? So a legacy wheel is something like your recipes, your poems. It could be anything that is important to you that you wanna leave. You might have a famous like something passed on generation to generation, but it's also items that you want to leave people. Make sure you have those written down and make sure you start creating the legacy.

[00:39:22]

Sharlene Licciardello: Beautiful. And this is just seems like those recipes that you leave behind or those little things that you have, like the little special moments or creative moments that you have And as you said, you just leave behind for your family or your friends or your loved ones the will help to leave that legacy in the future.

[00:39:42]

Stephen Licciardello: And I guess it goes back to what Shannon Adler said, crave your name on hearts, not tombstones. And so if you're creating your legacy and your story on the hearts of people, that is the true value that we provide to humanity. It's not about changing and of people's lives or and. It's what impact have you made on that one person today and what impact can you make on that one person tomorrow?

[00:40:08]

Sharlene Licciardello: Okay, Steven. So let's just recap what we've just gone through.

[00:40:11]

Stephen Licciardello: You know, Sharlene, I think if we look at the whole process of death, dying, it's actually, let's live. Yes. Let's talk about it, but let's live. And I like what you said in one of your social media posts. It said opening the dialogue about death isn't just about confronting the end. It's about enriching the life we're living today. By normalizing these conversations, we're not inviting fear. Rather, we're disarming it, allowing us to live fully with gratitude for each moment granted to us.

[00:40:43]

Stephen Licciardello: And I think that's what today's episode is. Let's disarm it, but let's live to the fullest with gratitude.

[00:40:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. Just take every little moment to make it count. Thank you for joining us on the Rewrite is Story podcast.

[00:41:00]

Stephen Licciardello: We hope you found this episode enlightening.

[00:41:02]

Sharlene Licciardello: For more information on the topics discussed, please visit our website at Stephen.

[00:41:07]

Stephen Licciardello: Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform. Share with your friends and follow us on social media at stevenand Are.

[00:41:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: Until next time, stay informed and inspired.

[00:41:16]

Stephen Licciardello: This is Stephen and Sharlene signing off from the rewrite your story podcast. Thank you, and stay blessed.