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Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast: I have a lot of struggles with being vulnerable. There's a lot of conservatism and there's a lot of self doubts and insecurities that create walls and put distance between me emotionally with just about everybody. As a result, the biggest lesson, the biggest effort here was

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Could a chance encounter change the course of your life? We sit down with Mark Jemilkowski, a healthcare finance professional turned author. He shares his experience of writing and publishing a historical fiction book inspired by the life of an Italian immigrant named Clara. Discover the lessons he learnt about forgiveness and compassion. His journey will remind you a lot about the popular book Tuesday with Mari. Stay until the end to hear Mark's advice on how you can write about characters people actually care about. Let's dive: Welcome to Rewrite Your Story, the podcast where change begins with you. We're your host, Stephen and Charlene. As professional coaches and mentors trained in various modalities, we have helped hundreds of people. Bridge the gap between the person they are and the person they want to be. We bring you conversations with real people who have overcome real setbacks. You will walk away with practical steps to find more clarity, alignment and success in any area you want to improve. So join us and discover how you have the power to overcome to change.

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and to rewrite your: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (01:25.998)

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Thank you for joining us. I'm super excited because I'm really interested in the book that you've written and the journey that that book takes our listeners on. Tell us how you, you know, how do you go from healthcare setting to meeting some people and then wanting to write their life story? How, first of all, how did you meet these people? How did you meet Clara? Right. Oh, there's a little bit of a twist in the book. They don't want to give away completely,: Suffice to say, Clara, in her life's trajectory, and me, on my own, independent and previously unbeknownst to both of us, our paths crossed more than once. So when I had the opportunity to meet her in her later years of life, and we started just chatting, I started getting to know more about her. I said, oh, that's interesting. I was also in that town in that time period.

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Do you remember and do you remember and oh my God, right? And so it becomes one of these things where we were living literally blocks away from each other for years. And there's more to it than that. But like I said, I don't want to give, give away the twist in the story completely, but there's, there's some depth to it. That lead, that led me to wanting to know more about her as a person. It didn't happen automatically. Clara spoke broken: a mix of German and Italian. She didn't text very well. So a lot of it had to come slowly over time. A little bit here, a little bit there. Sometimes the facts didn't match. Her memory would be out of whack. The timetables didn't quite match, which is why I started keeping an outline, you know, trying to figure out where the pieces were fitting. One of the reasons why I thought the story would be particularly pertinent to your audience and

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why I'm here to share it with people in general and why I wrote the book early. Claire's mother, Maria Luisa, born in early 1900s Italy, faced a tremendous uphill battle as a woman who wanted a career as a concert pianist. But fascist Italy wanted women in the kitchen, having babies and taking care of the home. The whole country was against her in that regard, right? Her whole culture was against: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (03:50.286)

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And then World War II happened. So she didn't even get a chance to explore that because now you have the whole chaos of the European warfare and the theater that was going on there. And then it was a Cold War with the collapse of the German economy. And still she's struggling and fighting to become this concert pianist. Her journey, the things that she did to persist in her love of music, her dedication to: her absolute focus on it, her passion for it. In the lesser circumstance, somebody else would have just caved and not done what she did, right? She took every challenge that came in front of her and she transformed and persevered to get forward with what she wanted for herself. Clara, by the same token, had some very difficult circumstances.

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with the GI that she ended up marrying and leaving with from Germany and emigrating to the United States. She chose to end of an abusive relationship, even though she had three children. And here again, you have a woman who is standing up against the odds. We're talking about 1960s, New Haven, Connecticut, social crises all over the place, raising three kids on her own, diagnosed with cancer, making it, raising her: getting through to the other side, and ultimately finding the love of her life, who she then retired to Florida with. Just the incredible odds that these two women were up against and how they continued to try to create their own life, challenge themselves, grow through their challenges, and continue to evolve, to me, just seemed like the type of inspiration that you're looking for when you're talking about how to transform your own life.

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And I would say that in meeting Claire at a time of my life when I did, it actually happened at a very poignant point in time where I was also on my own and I still am on my own journey for my own self in terms of being introspective and learning more about what I'm about and how I want to be. Right. And that's that transformation. That's that crux of transformation. Yeah.: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (06:07.63)

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out long way of giving you an answer. So you've actually come, you're a healthcare professional and you've been there for quite a while. You've met someone who's inspired you to write a book and I would think that's touched you. Their story has touched you in some way. So what was it that reflected in your own life? What did you pick up and having noticed anything in your own life where you've seen that change of events and that moving from one place to another? There are a couple of key: Forgiveness, compassion, and joy. The idea that we're not all perfect, nobody's perfect, and accepting that in yourself. So in essence, forgiving yourself and others for how you got to be where you are today. Understanding and having the compassion for yourself that the decisions you've made in the past, maybe you thought they were the right thing to do at the time, but maybe they weren't in retrospect with that benefit of hindsight.

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that you continue to strive to do your best on a daily basis. You should continue to strive to be your best person on a daily basis, but maybe you're not going to be today, and that's okay. So having that type of compassion for yourself, that type of forgiveness for your prior self, sets you up and allows you to be present in the today. These are lessons that Claire learned in a very difficult trying way. And they were lessons that I've been trying to incorporate into my own life for: And then the joy aspect is the most difficult one of all. Because of the prerequisites in order to feel joy, you have to have balance in your life and you have to have a sense of fulfillment. These are some lessons that I've learned on my own journey that I saw reflected in the way Claire lived her life and the challenges that she went through. But she didn't have the benefit of this type of, let's call it introspection or

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She didn't have the benefit of a therapist or a counselor or anybody to talk to really. It was just hardcore life lessons. So as I was talking with Clara and I could see these things reflected in her path. Thank you so much. And I can see that you have a deep connection to Clara. It almost reminds me, I don't know if you've ever read the book or watched the movie Tuesdays with Mari. Yes. And like when you as you're talking, I'm seeing flashbacks from from that movie: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (08:34.669)

And when I was teaching nursing and teaching aged care, I used to show that movie quite a lot, especially when it came to palliative care classes. And you speaking just reminds me so much of that movie. Is Clara still around? Can I ask? She's not, she passed in 21. Right. Did she ever, well, obviously if the book was published last year, she didn't get an opportunity to read it. Did she know that you were writing a book about her and: Has her family had the opportunity to read it? Yeah, she did not know I was writing it because at the time, again, it was probably on her passing that it all kind of came together for me. She passed early in 21. And I think in sort of an homage, I set upon doing the research in order to give that gift, as I mentioned, to her family, just because this is what I learned about somebody. And I know from my own parents.

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Right? That, you know, my mom, my father, they never talked to me about all of their experiences. I learned, I know some of the crazy stories, but I don't know truly all the intricate facts. So in a lot of ways, I learned more about Clara than I learned that I know about my own mother and father in a lot of respects, but the same token in learning more about Clara's life: being encouraged to dig into the environment and societal issues that she lived through, I learned more about my parents as well and what they had to go through, what they lived with. So in that regard, it was very much a bonding experience, not only to my own family, but to Clara and hopefully with the idea that when we ultimately shared it with her family, everybody would be receptive to it. Turns out that a lot of them didn't know a lot of the content.

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of Clara's life either. So it was sort of an eye opening experience for all of them. And those who have gotten back to me, because not everybody has responded, but those who I've been in contact with within her family have been very happy and touched by the book. It was well received by those, at least for those who I've been in contact with. Yeah. One of the things that Charlene and I are quite big on: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (10:56.878)

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what we call a death cafe where we are facilitated as a death cafes and that sounds quite morbid, but basically it's normal. I'm an extra. So it's to normalize the discussion around death and dying. But one of the things we talk about is a legacy will. Many people leave financial wills or things like that, but a lot of people don't leave what is called a legacy will, which means your recipes, your: your memories basically. And from your point of view, writing this book and seeing Clara's collection and then analyzing, hey, I don't actually know that much about my parents' story. How important would you say a legacy will is or how important will it be for this, you know, to leave something for the next generation to know you? Well, you know, I think that.

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People want to know about you as a person in a variety of different ways. To your point, it could be, here's Nana's recipe book, right? And here's, there's that kind of thing. I think for something like this, while not intentionally done for that purpose, there's something very intimate and vulnerable about writing a book. My initial set of prose, I mentioned as 160: was very factual. It was very much telling the story point to point, fact to fact. I had no dialogue. It was just, it was like a newspaper report, right? It was just very factual with a little bit of story mixed in, but for the most part factual, like 99%. And in order to get it to 310 pages, it had to become diluted a bit because my one paragraph of fact had to be turned into like three pages of dialogue under the current editorial.

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passion towards showing, not telling kind of idea. That editorial process necessarily required me to inject a lot of myself. How do I describe the young man who had ultimately become the biological father of Clara, who doesn't exist anymore and died on the battlefield during the Spanish Revolution, 1937? How do I describe him as a young man? I have nothing to base that on other than: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (13:20.238)

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myself, right? So there's a lot of myself reflected in how this character is represented. Along the same lines as each character is developed throughout the story, there's elements of me reflected in each one of those characters. As a result, anybody reading this book, if they know me, will go back and they'll say, oh, there's Mark. I recognize Mark in these pages. I recognize Mark's: So again, it wasn't something I necessarily set out to do. And this wasn't necessarily meant to be a tome or an ode rather to Clara, right? But by virtue of respecting her travels, her journey, by respecting her path, her road to Maresco, if you will, and sharing it with her family and ultimately the world, I've also in part shared a bit of myself. So the legacy then,

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The Living Legacy, as you recall it, is actually both within the same 300 pages. Wow. What a privilege. Now, Mark, you've been awarded the Golden Book Award just recently in January. When you started writing the book, did you imagine that? No, no. I literally, I asked people like neighbors and friends, I said, please read this and let me know if you think it's any good. Because I was literally expecting people to say, that's: Why don't you make a bunch of copies, hand it out to some friends and family, be done with it. You know, nice, it was nice, very nice of you. Sweet. Q, go back to your numbers. I did not expect the type of reaction I got. Probably the most poignant of them was, or most succinctly put, the woman who ultimately became my editor and publisher in essence said, listen, I'm reading your first chapter and I want to read your second chapter because you're a

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a great storyteller. Yeah, okay, fine. Your dialogue needs work and your story structure needs work and your grammar needs some work. But that's all achievable with a lot of heavy editing and a lot of effort on your part. So she was like, I'm going to tell you what to do, but it's up to you to apply it. Right. So in that regard, I had to learn, right? It was a big learning curve and big, a very challenging one that,: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (15:46.542)

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She was just so adamant. I told a good story and it was so captivating that she encouraged me to see it through. Actually, at one point I was like, I'm not going to be the writer. I just need some, this is a sophisticated outline. I need somebody else who actually is a writer to be the writer, to be the ghost writer or be the writer. And I get some byline credit or something like that. I, that's what I expected that. Now I got people telling me, Oh, this will make a great movie. It's: No, I would never have believed this in a million years. I would never have believed I'd be doing this right now. None of this is in social media. None of it. It's not my thing. No. So, no, this is, I'm in left field here. I'm out of hell. I love that. I love the fact that you just stepped out, did something different and it's... Followed your passion. Followed your passion to tell someone's story and it's totally changed your life.

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What are some of the biggest lessons you've learned in becoming a writer? This is a big, when you say stepped out, I mean, that is a, that has more meaning than you realize because I have a lot of struggles with being vulnerable. There's a, there's a lot of conservatism and there's a lot of self doubts and insecurities that create walls and put distance between me emotionally with just about everybody. As a: The biggest lesson, the biggest effort here was I do have the capacity to be vulnerable and it's scary as shit. Excuse my French, but the, you know, it's very intimidating. One of the things I was very conscious about as I was writing the book was how much those concepts of balance kept coming back up. Claire struggled a lot with her inner life, trying to find the right mix of emotional manipulation.

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and truths in terms of just being herself. We say authentic, but the idea being that she just didn't know how to be herself. Ever since she was a young girl, she's always been putting on a show, trying to get the attention of her mother who was much more interested in playing her piano and allow the nanny to basically raise Claire. There was a friction between her and her mother that didn't really develop her as a woman. She was always this child inside: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (18:08.494)

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You could see in her struggles through her life, as I got to know her more, are mirrored a lot in aspects of my own life, in a lot of ways. Trying to be something for somebody else, trying to make sure that I would fit in or be accepted, you know, because I have to be what they want me to be as opposed to who I really want to be or who I really am. The balance and the ability to have that sense of: really becomes then much more heavily rooted in some of the core principles of what we consider to be life, right? I mean, are you being intellectually challenged? That provides a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. But are you also being spiritually fulfilled? It has to go hand in hand. Are you being physically challenged or are you active in some way, shape or form for some sense of fulfillment and energy that comes from that?

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And then there's the emotional element that comes from all those other three as well. And how are you managing all those? The lessons I learned from talking with Clara were being mirrored and like I said, my own introspection, my own effort. And I guess I try to bring that forward now. And I try to bring those same lessons forward for anybody I try to have the opportunity to talk with. I always try to espouse some level of that balance so that you can maintain your sense of: So you can maintain a sense of calm no matter what life throws at you. And if you can do that, then what happened yesterday isn't going to bother you. You're looking forward to tomorrow and you're dealing with today. And that's kind of right where, that's a sweet spot of where you want to be. That allows you then to be spontaneous and playful and joyful in the moment. It gives you the opportunity to stand up and say, I'm gonna...

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I'm going to dance around the room right now because I feel like it or whatever it is, you know, craziness that you feel like, right? It's going to give you the freedom to do that. And then that freedom to express joy, that's the freedom that gives you the opportunity to be vulnerable. That's a lot of lessons that you've taken just from that one book, that one process of going through the whole story of someone else and fusing yourself into that too. And what a privilege it: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (20:26.83)

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that you've been able to share that with people and share that with the world? Well, I'm trying to. The industry is stacked against people like me. Independent authors don't really have an outlet. The traditional path is still very much the controlled path. You're supposed to canvas the world and try to find somebody who will be your agent. Your agent will steer you to and get you in front of the right: the agent and the publisher are meant to be the controlling factor because they are supposed to be the ones who know what the public wants and what the public will buy. And as soon as somebody publishes a book through one of the well -known established houses, within 30 days of that book being published, they'll have 20 ,000 reviews. Now what's happened is they've given the book away to 20 ,000 people and they've gotten 20 ,000 reviews. And that's the kind of investment they can make with the marketing budget that they have now that they own the book.

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They want to do everything they can to get on Oprah's list, on whoever's list. They want to get on the top 10 list across the world. Because as soon as it hits that top 10 list, top 10 books of 2023 in historical fiction, boom, everybody goes out and buy it. All the libraries buy it. Everybody buys it, whether it's any good or not, in terms of Joe Average. Independent authors like myself, New York Times is not picking up my phone call. They're not answering my email. They're not going to review my: because on Amazon sales, I'm not in the top 50 for my category. So they're not going to pay any attention to me. Titan, the platform that I got the gold book award for, you know, they, they issue gold or silver or not at all for books that they reviewed is an honor, you know, and, and I'm very grateful for them to recognize my book like that. Being on podcasts like this, talking with.

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people like you and trying to raise awareness that this piece of work is out there. And I'm trying to get people now to read it. You know, it's funny. I don't, I initially cared whether people read it or not. I was kind of like, you know, pushing it across the table. Whereas authors were established and you know, their authors as a career, they stand on top of tabletops and they scream at the top of their lungs, right? They jump on top of the: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (22:51.022)

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broadcasting tower and like King Kong yelling at the top of their lungs, read my book. I've wrote a book. Read it. Whereas, you know, probably going back to that little bit of that insecurity, I just didn't know whether people were going to like it. I've accumulated something like 12 or 15 reviews now, a couple of them through purchased sites, you know, where you pay a professional to review your book. I only choose the ones that don't give a guarantee of a review. There are some out there that will say, you: for $500, we'll give you a five star review. It's like, let's skip that one. I want an honest review. And I still tell people, I'm only going to consider myself an author once I hit 100 reviews that are fours and fives. If I get a three or below, it doesn't count. I didn't reach that person. It has to be a four or five. So I got to get 100 reviews. Then I'll feel comfortable saying, yeah, I'm a published author. But until then, I'm this guy. I wrote a book.

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I think it's got a lot of depth and meaning. I'd love for people to read it. Hopefully you enjoy it. Mark, what's next in the pipeline for you in your travels as an author? Is there more books on the pipeline? You know, you say, you know, I, I stressed about that. I stressed about that a lot because after I was like this on the publish button, I was like, do I do it? Do I do it? And I press publish. And then I was like, Oh my God, what did I just do? Do I do a sequel? Is there a sequel? There isn't really a natural sequel to this: What would that look like? And Clara is like a biography, right? She gave me all the pertinent details. She gave me the structure of her life as a foundation of the story. And then the structure of her mother's life, which was fairly well documented, or at least easily enough documented that along certain major guideposts that it could be constructed. So if I did this again, it would literally have to be out of my own mind.

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would have to be my own creation. I won't have the benefit of a biography to lean on to create the skeletal structure for the rest of the book. That the whole concept terrified me, just terrified me. Then I had a dream, and the concept of that dream actually was something I wrote, as I wrote it down, I was thinking about it as like, this might be something, this might be interesting. So I am actually in the middle of a deep dive research: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (25:18.446)

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the time period of Emperor Augustus and the turn of the millennia, trying to figure out exactly what, if anything, could come out of it. So, but yes, there's my inspiration. I love the fact that you're actually creating stories out of real life events. You're creating novels out of something that's tangible, permanent, and you're doing your research about it, which, yeah. So much: It's so, there's so much research involved. And in order to make a historical fiction, I think really resonate. You have to use as much fact as you can, but in a storytelling kind of way. You have to really be able to bring people to that moment in time, get them to care about the character, get them to experience the moment, whether it's the clothes that are being worn, the food that's being eaten, the smell and the air.

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What kind of birds are flying overhead? What kind of sky are we looking at? Is it gravel that you're walking on? Is it pavement? Are there cobbled stones? Are they carved from a quarry in Egypt? These are the kinds of things, if I'm talking about ancient Rome type of idea, this is the kind of stuff that I would want to bring out because at the end of the day, I kind of use the experience, the idea that if reading the: was going to be akin to anything that we have in today's modern world. I want it to feel like you've put VR glasses on and you're walking alongside these people in their life. I love that. Yeah, it's so, I can just imagine the richness in like just the storytelling that you've gotten that book and I'm actually looking forward to reading it. Yeah, I'm looking forward to reading it. And I'm looking forward to reading it on two aspects, I guess, because...

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You know, having I know Clara was born in Sicily and my father was also born in Sicily. She was born in Venice. Oh Venice, sorry, but her mother was... No, sorry, her father, her biological father was from Sicily. So I'm actually looking forward to seeing, are there any similarities as to... Because I know my grandfather's war stories and being a prisoner of war as well. So I'm really looking forward to that aspect. Well, there's a lot of: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (27:38.158)

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There's a lot of that in there. That's really interesting. What advice would you give someone that's willing to change their narrative and their story, whether it's your own advice or advice from Clara? Yeah, I think there's a couple of things that come to mind. And by no means am I licensed or professional in this regard. Just in terms of reflecting on my experience, my things that I've: You know, the work that I did for the book, which again, reflects a lot of the work I was doing on myself. It's got a lot of philosophy in it. It's got a lot of psychology in it, in addition to the history and in addition to the biography. And I think that what would come to some of the lessons that come down to for me would be that first you need to have an open mind. You have to be open to what's going to happen. Thoughts, emotions.

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These are some of the things that are going to be the first challenges that will be faced as part of that. If you're going to fundamentally try to transform, one of the first things that's going to happen is you're going to have to accept that something inside you is going to have to change. But change doesn't mean you're wrong. So the second part kind of goes back to that compassion. You're not wrong. There is nothing wrong with you. But if you desire something: You have to be willing to put in the effort to go to that something different. Having an open mind to what that something different is going to look like and being compassionate for where you are now and accepting that you're about to trip and stumble and fall on your way towards that something new. Consider a child. You don't always, you don't stand up and start running a four minute mile. You stumble and you fall and you skin your knee and you bump into things and.

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This is sort of the same thing. It's the same process and purposefulness. I don't think you can do this randomly. I think it requires a lot of attention, a lot of focus. It requires a certain internal passion to want it. And it doesn't matter whether that passion is intense, you know, burning like a comet streaming across the sky with that kind of intensity, or whether it is just: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (29:57.55)

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and persistent like a breeze across across waving grass. The idea is you're going to be able to sit yoga mat or in your chair or on your couch wherever you sit and you're going to be able to reflect and think and be introspective and work because that's the work allowing yourself to sit still and to feel those feelings and to have that moment to see your: to understand what your transformation needs to be and to dedicate yourself towards it, ultimately becomes the hardest work you're ever going to do in your life. And obviously so rewarding as well. So Mark, if you were to go back and rewrite your life story, what would that look like today? I think I would have to go back in time and I would tell my younger self that it's okay. I would have to, I think the transformation starts at an early age where,

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some of the initial seeds of insecurity and doubt started to come out. And in those moments is where I think you look at angles and geometry, the small change in the very beginning of the story results in a very big change at the very end of the story. And so I would want to try to go back as close as I could to that beginning: and tried to convince my old self, my younger self, my past self, that I'm okay, that I don't need to be somebody else, that the world is going to want me for who I am, the world needs me for who I am, and that's enough. This is just an essential message of love and acceptance.

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That's the part that I would try to transform the most within myself because that's the part I've worked on the most in the last 10 years. Thank you, Mark. So powerful. Thank you so much for that. If you want to know more about Mark and his story and get a copy of his book, make sure you check out the show notes or you can go straight onto Amazon to get a copy of his book and type in Mark Jamal Kalsk. Did I get it right that time? Perfect. Yes, you did. Yes, you: Rewrite Your Life Story Podcast (32:15.374)

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Steve, we've already transformed. Once again, thank you so much for being on our story today. It's been a tremendous pleasure. I really appreciate you guys and everything you're doing. Thank you so much for having me. Before we sign off, we want to highlight three transformative lessons that we've gained from our discussion, which echo our beliefs here at Rewrite Your Story. Our first lesson is about the power of storytelling. Sharing your journey can not only heal you, but also inspire and heal: It's about connecting on a deeper level with those around us and finding common ground in our shared human experiences. Secondly, let's focus on authenticity. Embracing your true self is crucial. Authenticity means living in alignment with your values and desires, not conforming to what others expect of you. It's about being true to yourself in your journey of personal growth. And finally, community. Building a supportive community around your essential persistent growth and healing.

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Surrounding yourself with people who understand and support your transformation can empower you to persist through challenges and celebrate your successes. As we enter today's episode, take these three lessons to heart. Reflect on how you can apply them in your daily life to continue to rewrite your story in a meaningful way. We're here to remind you that your story is constantly evolving and you have the strength to shape its direction. Thank you for allowing us to be part of your journey. Thank you for joining us on the Rewrite Your Story podcast. We hope you found this episode: For more information on the topics discussed, please visit our website at stevenandsharleen .com Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on your favourite platform, share it with your friends and follow us on social media at stevenandsharleen Until next time, stay informed and inspired! This is Steven and Charlene signing off from the Rewrite Your Story podcast. Thank you and stay blessed.