[00:00:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: We project on social media something that we're not in a lot of cases, but growth doesn't come from the illusion of who you think you want to be. So whoever you're projecting, you're never gonna grow from that point. You've gotta get real with yourself and say, this is where I am. This is who I am, and these are the areas that I need to change. Ever wonder why it's so hard to take the first step in change? It's all about tug of war between seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, influenced heavy by our past and habits. In our journey, we've stumbled, faced our lowest, and learned the true power of that first daunting step towards change.

[00:00:38]

Sharlene Licciardello: We are seeing firsthand how our are to dodge discomfort often keeps us from the growth that lies just beyond our comfort zones. Breaking down big dreams into small manageable tasks, embracing our imperfections, and setting up routines for success have been game changers for us.

[00:00:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: So let's chat about the importance of stepping out even when it's the last thing you feel like doing. We're sharing our insights on aligning life closer to what truly matters and how with the bit of courage, you can start penning a new chapter of your story.

[00:01:07]

Sharlene Licciardello: Welcome to Rewrite Your Story, the podcast where change begins with you.

[00:01:10]

Sharlene Licciardello: We're your hosts, Stephen and Sharlene.

[00:01:12]

Sharlene Licciardello: As professional coaches and mentors trained in various modalities, we have helped and of people bridge

[00:01:18]

Sharlene Licciardello: the gap between the person they are and

[00:01:20]

Sharlene Licciardello: the person they want to be.

[00:01:21]

Sharlene Licciardello: We bring you conversations with real people who have overcome real setbacks.

[00:01:25]

Sharlene Licciardello: You will walk away with practical steps to find more clarity, alignment, and success in any area you want to improve.

[00:01:32]

Sharlene Licciardello: So join us and discover how you have the power to overcome, to change, and to rewrite your story.

[00:01:38]

Sharlene Licciardello: So pick up the pen. Your new chapter starts now.

[00:01:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: So in today's episode, we're gonna be dealing with why is the first step always the hardest when wanting to reap the right part of your journey and take the next step. And, obviously, this is our interpretation of some of the things that we believe it is, but one of the things we discussed about is people don't have clarity of what they really want.

[00:02:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: I just the feel like, you know, they're relying on what they think they want rather than what they really want. And, like, we don't even take the time to really ask ourselves that question, what do I actually really want in life? What do I wanna achieve?

[00:02:13]

Sharlene Licciardello: And that is so important because what we think we want is usually external influences. And there's, you know, one of the quotes that you'll hear me saying a lot when I'm working with clients is it just is, like, there's no right or wrong answer. It just is. And so what you want in life is your life and your story and obviously there are things that we need to consider we need to consider the ecology and the ethnicness of our decisions you know how ethical and the impact they have on others But that is more at an ethical standpoint and a value standpoint rather than having others describe what they think we should be in life or who they think we should be.

[00:02:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. So we're looking at social expectations. What do people expect of us? And is this something that we really want or is this something that we're wanting to place other people because of the expectations that have been put on us?

[00:03:08]

Sharlene Licciardello: So I think the first hindrance people think is people have, sorry, is rather than knowing what they want, they think they know what they want, and you've gotta get really clear and you gotta get really motivated as to what it is you want. You gotta get crystal clear.

[00:03:24]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. I think a lot of it has to do with what will people save me if I go for this.

[00:03:29]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. You know so putting behind people and people's expectations, but then also say, you know, if you feel that you want to be, I don't know, world champion heavyweight lifter at the age of 60, is that right or wrong?

[00:03:45]

Sharlene Licciardello: I don't think it's right or wrong. It's just how realistic is it in such a short time though?

[00:03:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And your journey as well. Like, is it part of your journey, or is that what you think you want? So what is the actual thing that that's gonna bring you? And sometimes it's the thing that that's gonna bring us the is actually what we want, not the actual thing that we think we want. So it's the emotion associated Right. With achieving the goal.

[00:04:11]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. So it's how the outcome at the end of achieving that that we really want, not the actual action.

[00:04:19]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Another thing that we believe is pain versus pleasure principle. So people don't start in their journey or people are procrastinated in their journey is because humans are motivated by the decide to avoid pain and seek pleasure. And this principle influences our decision making and actions.

[00:04:39]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. It certainly does. Like, what do we like, what would happen if we just stay where we are? What is that gonna look like?

[00:04:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: A classic example is in the area of finance. When we work with clients, and I'm sure when you've worked with, some of your clients, people put massive action when it comes to getting out of debt Yeah. Are when they've got no money to pay bills, and they make things happen because the pain Yes. Is so strong. But when they get ahead in their finances and the pain is no longer there, they repeat the same cycles because one of their hamster wheel where we're always seeking out pain in order to motivate us. There's also the thing that people seek pleasure more than pain. So the person that's always partying or playing on their mobile phones rather than taking actions, playing games on their mobile phones, and also gambling addictions, things like that. That is the pleasure or the thrill of the the gamble or the thrill of that.

[00:05:47]

Sharlene Licciardello: So it's it's those in dwarf and, you know, pornography for instance. It's those in dwarf and pain In

[00:05:53]

Sharlene Licciardello: moments of pleasure.

[00:05:54]

Sharlene Licciardello: The moments of pleasure. And so they're motivated by pleasure rather than the pain. So there's a bit of aspect of those Yeah. And I love what and this is not new, is it?

[00:06:04]

Sharlene Licciardello: No. Absolutely not new. I mean, if you look at Romans and, the apostle Paul himself said the, I do not understand what I do, for what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. How confusing would that be for us? Yeah. And

[00:06:17]

Sharlene Licciardello: that's exactly what's happening to a lot of us at the moment. And, you know, there's still aspects of that in our lives, so we are more aware of that now Yeah. And can work through it. But knowing that our decision making is either motivated by pain or pleasure and sometimes we don't do what we wanna do because the motivators are not in alignment with the goal. So it's really looking at which 2 of these motivators are in action in your life. Historically, Are, pain has been the stronger motivator.

[00:06:48]

Sharlene Licciardello: So talking about motivation, like, we're looking at the fact that it is up to us to avoid immediate threats and that was based like many years, many, many, many, many centuries ago for survival because they had like those guys had to get away from like animals, tigers, trying to get away from the. Like, immediate threat was always imminent, so they had to find a way to for survival to avoid that pain and to avoid getting eaten, right? But these days we're not facing that kind of danger anymore. Are won't have to face other and of dangers, but it's not like that extent, but we still keep living it. So we are back in that era.

[00:07:24]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. So there's that fight or flight still in action at an unconscious level. Absolutely. You know, I love what Tony Robbins says. He says the secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure. Instead of having pain and pleasure, use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, your life controls you.

[00:07:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: So when we start acknowledging and identifying and bringing from our unconscious awareness to our conscious awareness that our motors betas are pain or pleasure and we start to have control over those motivators, then we control our life.

[00:08:01]

Sharlene Licciardello: Wow. That's powerful. Yeah. And have you seen that in your in your in your regular?

[00:08:06]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. I think if you look at the classic examples of I'm not a sporty type person are I do have ADHD. Let's take the ADHD d example for example. So with a d h d obviously my monkey mind goes crazy at times. And for me it is the pleasure of the distraction rather the pain of being focused. Yeah. So I need to stay and I need to realize that actually I'm gonna have greater pleasure when I focus because I'm achieving my goals rather than the pain of the immediate focus.

[00:08:42]

Sharlene Licciardello: Right. See, that's like a stained or basically delayed gratification.

[00:08:47]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Delayed gratification. Exactly. So but you know again the wasn't until I was actually formally diagnosed by a psychologist of having ADHD the I could actually relate and think oh, yeah. That that's actually who I am now. So now I'm knowing that when I'm wondering and not focused, I'm like, hang on. This is this is an area of my life that I need to conscious the aware of and consciously work on now and ground myself in that.

[00:09:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: I love that. So you've not actually used that as an excuse to just do it fall into the hub as you've actually used it to spur you on to do better things.

[00:09:25]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Exactly. And I think the other thing is the influence of time as well. So I need to realize that time is linear and that the immediate dangers are what is more painful for me, The immediates, the immediate are the future. So if I look at time as linear, then I need to be motivated more by future benefits rather than the immediate pain, for instance. So that's really important for me when looking at being motivated by playing and pleasure because I know if I'm focused on the immediate pain and pleasure receptors, then that will lead me to procrastination.

[00:10:02]

Sharlene Licciardello: So true, isn't it? And that's why we tend to get ourselves in procrastination so much so many times because we're so worried about having to do these hard tasks to in order to get to where we want to go because we avoid like we're trying to avoid paying now.

[00:10:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And I think that's really key is looking at time as linear rather than in the moment Yeah. As well. What's another one?

[00:10:26]

Sharlene Licciardello: We're very emotional beings. Right? Right? Mhmm. So we tend to think more emotionally rather than logically, especially when our, like, amygdala is quite crazy in the head when it's, like sounding off the alarms that something's not right here. This is not pleasurable for us. Let's do something to get our get the attention. So it becomes really emotional and the really high syndrome. So we tend to sometimes act out of those emotions rather than allergic. And that's what stops us from taking those actions towards something that's maybe better for us than what we're currently doing.

[00:10:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And I think that comes down to, like, immediate gratification, doesn't it? Yeah. Like, the what did you call that? Migdala. The Migdala is going crazy and we want immediate gratification in the now rather than looking at the long term gratification that comes. And again, it comes to our society. We're such an instantaneous society. We want everything

[00:11:18]

Sharlene Licciardello: messing with all the navigation on a parent's. Right? Let's quickly answer it.

[00:11:22]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. So I think that's really important. So emotions over logic not being driven by your emotions, but rather think logically. And I think one of the greatest tools that a mentor of mine has taught me who is a is a good friend now is always take the 24 hour rule. Do you know what I mean? Never make a decision within 24 hours. Now we're not talking about decision. Do I buy no brand x or and, be at the supermarket in the bean aisle. Okay? We're talking about major decisions.

[00:11:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: Life changing decisions.

[00:11:53]

Sharlene Licciardello: Life changing decisions are decisions that might have an impact on others take 24 hours rather than the emotional satisfaction of making that decision. Yeah. And and you know what I've learned in the, Sharlene, is that if people aren't willing to wait 24 hours, then they don't respect you as a person. So it's also about setting those boundaries around the emotions versus logic and thinking things through. And usually, we make better decisions once we've slept over something as well.

[00:12:23]

Sharlene Licciardello: And they're saying coming back to this as well. If someone's not willing to wait for you to make the decision, that's a red flag already. That's a straight no.

[00:12:32]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yep. Absolutely. The next one is perception and awareness. So our personal narratives and beliefs lead us to actions are of pain or pleasure. Right? And they influence our behavior. And a lot of our expectations of pain or pleasure are actually from our childhood. So what we've actually modeled our parents and what we've seen happen in our life as grown ups or mentors in our life growing up in the foundational years. So the way we perceive things can sometimes at an unconscious level be motivated by pain or pleasure, therefore stopping us.

[00:13:12]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely.

[00:13:13]

Sharlene Licciardello: Our perception of what others believe over us, words that have been spoken to us as children

[00:13:18]

Sharlene Licciardello: That we take them are well.

[00:13:19]

Sharlene Licciardello: That we've taken off as our own beliefs. You know, you're never gonna achieve that or or you're never gonna be amount to anything or you're just like so and so. Why couldn't you be more like such and such? Yeah. You know, these type of words spoken over us that we've internalized can actually also lead to what and how we are motivated. So that is about our perception, but we need to bring awareness into that to know, okay. These are drivers at an unconscious level in my life. How do I overcome them?

[00:13:54]

Sharlene Licciardello: When people speak over you as a child, like, obviously, as children, we don't have the capacity to make conscious decisions, like, about our emotions and whether we believe things. Well, like, we just take things on so much so readily. So it's not your fault that you've taken that on, but when we do get to adults, the great news is that we are responsible for our own change. So we can make those changes once we get to that certain age, and we can look at what's been affecting me. What are those unconscious patterns that I've taken on at an unconscious level that's a kid that I can change?

[00:14:28]

Sharlene Licciardello: When you're working with a client, like, I know you use many modalities and and and many techniques that you've learned over the years. But what's some way that someone can discover a limiting belief? Or what what's one way that you use?

[00:14:42]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. I think sometimes I'll, like, have a sentence. Like, I'll listen to some of the words and then I'll put it back to them and I'll say complete the sentence. And if they come up with in that sentence, they complete it in the negative, then that'll help that helps them to realize, oh, okay. That's why I just realized I'm saying that a lot. Like, I'll call them out on their repeated patterns of phrases that they'll come back. But since that they say, I can't do this or I can't do that, and I'll repeat it back to them and say, so you're telling me that you can't do this. And have you noticed that there's, like, a pattern of this every time we come to a certain point in and conversation? You're saying the is something that you can't do.

[00:15:19]

Sharlene Licciardello: So when someone is saying I can't do something a lot, obviously, there is a a motivator of pain there Yeah. Or not pleasure because the pain of I can't do it Yeah. Is there. And by feeding back to the, when you're seeing that, you're actually seeing patterns of limiting beliefs when when a client says that over and over?

[00:15:40]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. We're seeing patterns of those limiting beliefs. So when when a bad team, it helps them to become aware of that. And they say, oh, okay. They the don't people don't necessarily listen to themselves when we're talking. Right? Like, we'll say things and then we catch ourselves, like, later on and think, why did I say that? We were not really aware sometimes of the things that come out of our mouth at an unconscious level.

[00:16:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's scary. What parents are you seeing in my life? The next one is a role of negative consequences and positive outcomes. So I think we need to realize that if you're not moving forward and you're not rewriting that story is the consequence of inaction and the benefit of action. What's greater? And it's identifying if I don't take action in this area of my life, what what's it gonna lead to?

[00:16:28]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Like, if I do something now down the track, how is the going to affect my future?

[00:16:34]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right. So for instance, let's take healthy eating habits. Okay? So the consequence of not eating healthy or the consequence of inaction, and by the way, eating healthy is whatever it is to you, could lead to, you know, health issues are lot in in several years' time, could lead to, you know, heart disease, could lead to type 2 diabetes. The the inaction is greater than the action, the benefit of the action because taking charge over that, we can see that we can be motivated and take encouraging steps that, hey. I'm gonna live longer. I'm I am gonna, you know, break these generational patterns over my life. I am gonna break these generational things because I'm taking action that others in my generational lines never took.

[00:17:18]

Sharlene Licciardello: So having the why ahead of you, thinking why do I want the? And saying, like, what is the outcome that I wanna see at the end of this? How will I feel? And trying just really engaging in that feeling and bringing that positive into that moment helps you give that long lasting perseverance towards those the the hard steps of becoming that new person.

[00:17:38]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. And it's looking at it this way. What is greater? The pain of inaction or the pain of action? So, yeah, you're not gonna have the cheesecake today, but the pain of not having the cheesecake today is gonna lead the pleasure tomorrow.

[00:17:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: Feeling great.

[00:17:53]

Sharlene Licciardello: Feeling great. Feeling motivated. So again, it's the inaction versus the action. What pain is gonna be greater in the long run.

[00:18:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know, that really reminds me of one thing that you've quoted from someone, and I can't remember where he found it from, but they're saying nothing tastes as good as feeling healthy feels.

[00:18:11]

Sharlene Licciardello: I can't remember who I

[00:18:13]

Sharlene Licciardello: And that context as as being fit feels.

[00:18:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Yeah. Nothing I think it was a personal trainer I had actually. Great. Yeah. Nothing tastes as good as being fit feels. And that's just one quote in this area. So again, it's looking at which pain is greater, the pain of inaction or the pain of action.

[00:18:31]

Sharlene Licciardello: And then using the pain of action to propel you to the joy of pleasure in the long run.

[00:18:37]

Sharlene Licciardello: And and leveraging motivation. How can we do that?

[00:18:40]

Sharlene Licciardello: I think it's it's recognizing the balance between avoidance and pleasure seeking and leveraging this knowledge can really help you facilitate overcoming procrastination or the feeling of inadequacy forever. So how do what I mean by that? So if you balance between pain, avoidance and pleasure seeking, you can see, like, if the pain of avoidance is greater than the pain of the pleasure is gonna bring me.

[00:19:08]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes.

[00:19:09]

Sharlene Licciardello: Then you need to switch the flip and see that the pain that the pleasure is gonna bring you is worth more than the pain of avoidance.

[00:19:19]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. Would there be a little part there about putting little, stops along the way that is almost like a reward for doing those actions. Like, say for example, we wanna get fit, right? Not everybody wants to go to the gym. Right? That's gonna just really take the joy out of becoming healthy or fit for some people. But people might like to go to the beach. People might enjoy like, being immersed in nature, and they can use that to guide them along the way and keep them motivated in their health journals, like, in their health journey or their spiritual journey if they want to get out there and just feel more free.

[00:19:59]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Like for instance, it could be, you know, and we're gonna talk about this a little bit later so I won't give too much, but it could be the pain of less sleep sometimes is far more beneficial than the pain of sleeping in and not achieving your goals.

[00:20:16]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, yes.

[00:20:17]

Sharlene Licciardello: Okay. Both are painful, but the results are different.

[00:20:20]

Sharlene Licciardello: Choosing your and.

[00:20:21]

Sharlene Licciardello: It's choosing our pain. I like that. So choose your pain. Oh, that's a good one. We could just end the podcast. Choose your pain wisely. The next one is understanding procrastination and fear of failure.

[00:20:33]

Sharlene Licciardello: The is a rich one.

[00:20:34]

Sharlene Licciardello: Okay. So a lot of people think, oh, you know, I procrastinate and blah blah blah blah blah. But when you come to the root cause of procrastination, it's fear of failure. Oh, yeah. Okay? Or it actually could be perfectionism.

[00:20:45]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, yeah.

[00:20:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And seeking instant gratification. So we really gotta look at procrastination is so what?

[00:20:54]

Sharlene Licciardello: So what if it's not perfect?

[00:20:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: So what if you fail? Yeah. What are the lessons you've learned from failure? Like how many times are we failed in life and and still to this day you know there's many areas in my life that I'm full short you know? Yeah.

[00:21:09]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. For me, I feel that if we are really feeling triggered by the fact that we failed something, then there's obviously something that we need to work on. Like, a deeper seated issue that we need to get through, about, like, our beliefs about ourself. What do I need to accomplish in order to feel like this particular person, to feel like, this person? Or sometimes we have, like, I guess, a separation between who we are and who we actually want to be. Right? And sometimes who we want to be is based on expectations of other people.

[00:21:41]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And you know what? Just be yourself. Yeah. Because you can't actually grow from a place where you're projecting you are. You can't change the projection. So I think, you know, and this is just came to me, Sharlene. I think one of the things that people it's the okay, let's do social media. We project on social media something that we're not in a lot of cases.

[00:22:05]

Sharlene Licciardello: Not everyone. You know, some people are real. Some you got you got your manners and and your tell all on social media and then you do it laundry. But then you've got people that project a persona, for instance. And people are we're all guilty of that. I don't care what you say. Most people are guilty of the. But growth doesn't come from the illusion of who you think you want to be.

[00:22:25]

Sharlene Licciardello: So whoever you're projecting, you're never gonna grow from that point. You've gotta get real with yourself and say, this is where I am. This is who I am and these are the areas that I need to change. And it's only from that real place that we can actually change. It's only from that real place that we can actually grow. Now you can't grow from what you think you are. You can only grow from who you are.

[00:22:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: And looked up at service

[00:22:51]

Sharlene Licciardello: And and that comes from, again, a lack of self esteem, which could be childhood trauma. Could be, you know, just it could be adult trauma. Like, we we tend to bring everything back to our childhood, but it could be adult trauma. It could be just repeated failures that have become your truth now and your self esteem has diminished in that area because of the patterns of constantly failing. And so you can't so we project something that we're absolutely not. You can't change from that projection. You gotta get real. You gotta get authentic.

[00:23:26]

Sharlene Licciardello: You gotta get

[00:23:27]

Sharlene Licciardello: It's like a navigator. Right? You can't give it a false location if you wanna get somewhere.

[00:23:32]

Sharlene Licciardello: Well, like that. Yeah. You can't say start there when I view

[00:23:35]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Exactly. It just makes sense. But there's it just also comes to the point of, like, the perceptions of what failure actually looks like. Who says you're a failure if something doesn't work out? If that's something that you're trying to do wasn't really what you wanted to do in the first place.

[00:23:52]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. So that's true. So that's not really failure, is it?

[00:23:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: You just set yourself up for doing something that someone else wanted you to do that's not your failure. It's it's just something that's not wired up because maybe that wasn't something that you are meant to do in the first place.

[00:24:05]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know, I think it's, and and when we look at change, you know, we're we've seen that the motivators have changed. We've seen how procrastination is as a lack of action or fear of failure or perfectionism, but we need to really look at the complexity of change. So change, I believe, first of all, is a decision. And I think it's John Maxwell in his book today of matters. And I I remember seeing him at a conference. I think it was in and and 2. Like, it was a long, long time ago when he came to Australia. He he said something and it resounds in his book.

[00:24:35]

Sharlene Licciardello: He said, the decision is made once.

[00:24:38]

Sharlene Licciardello: Mhmm. And acted on daily.

[00:24:40]

Sharlene Licciardello: And acted on daily. And I think that's the importance of change. Yeah. The decision is made once to change, and then we act upon it daily. Just because we choose to change doesn't mean, hey, press abracadabra. It's gonna happen overnight.

[00:24:53]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know, that we get caught like, as 3 month learnings and counseling, I've learned that there's also many stages of change as well. Okay. Like, we might come to a point where someone might will be in a position that they don't really know what they don't know until they see something that has shed light on that and they realize that something's gotta change, but maybe they're not ready to change yet. They haven't come to the decision that they need to change. Then through encouragement, through therapy, through, perspectives from other people in their circles that might be supportive of their change, they might be able to challenge the and say, what do you think's happening here? And like when they realize that what their resources, like their strategies are not working now, then they'll come to a point that they'll say, okay, maybe I need to do something now. That's getting closer to that change. When they realize that, then they'll start to be more willing to make those steps to change.

[00:25:48]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's good.

[00:25:49]

Sharlene Licciardello: Makes sense?

[00:25:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. And and I was just wondering, Sharlene, I'm I'm on two minds of this one, and I and I'll be honest with you. Is it easy to obviously change and change in itself is not easy. Okay? Because it it it requires identifying hey the was just a habit and I don't need to act on that habit anymore and that a lot of our mindsets and beliefs are just habitual and it's breaking those are breaking those habitual thoughts in our life. But my question to you is and I don't think there's a wrong or right answer to this the more I think about it, but my question is, should you change every area in your life and take massive action, or should you work on an are, get encouraged by that area of change, and then bring something else on board even if it's 1 or 2 days later are a week later or a month later?

[00:26:39]

Sharlene Licciardello: I think that's a really great question and I think it just depends on where you're at in life. Yep. Obviously, that can just shatter everything. Like all the beliefs that you've held in your life, all those, you know, limiting beliefs that you've believed and the the that you've had about yourself spoken over you. Just sometimes one word can shatter all those all those disbeliefs and help you to make those changes in every area. Like, it just it's like a domino effect. Like, the one thing shatters, everything else falls into place. Does that make sense?

[00:27:20]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. So there is a place for massive change Yeah. And there's also a place for stage change.

[00:27:26]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Stage change. Absolutely. You might not be at the stage yet where you feel like you need to change every aspect of your life, but know that once you do start to make a change in the aspect, that will domino effect to all the other areas of your life.

[00:27:40]

Sharlene Licciardello: I like it. So we've talked about staged change, but now what about setting the stage for change? I think, like, I think there's, you know, people wanna change areas, but there needs to be a certain amount of preparation when you wanna come to change.

[00:27:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh yes.

[00:27:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: Like some people actually don't take preparation and now we've we've heard of preparations parents peaceful performance the 5 piece right and so we've heard of things like that but I don't think people actually realize that you actually sometimes need to prepare for change and stage the change. Yeah. Alright. So what are some things that you could suggest or prepare the atmosphere for change?

[00:28:22]

Sharlene Licciardello: Apart from getting really clear about what your values and your goals are, like, the align with those values and see if they do align with like, your goals may not align with the values that you have. And either one of your values might have to shift somewhat to be able to achieve those goals, or your goals might shift for your according to your values. But just being really clear about that and having a place to write it down, really get clear what you wanna see happen, and then looking at the small steps that need to be put in place to achieve those goals.

[00:28:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: I think it's really important that you get clear on where you are now.

[00:28:59]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, yeah.

[00:29:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: Do you know what I mean? Like, get clear on where you are right now so be honest with yourself so you can actually, you know, take those realistic goals as well and really set the stage. And then probably from there by getting really clear and breaking it down, you need to find cues or or things that can actually support you in that goal. Like the tracking, you know, for instance, you know, one of the great things if you wanna have a fitness goal is get a coach or mentor. Get get a personal trainer for instance.

[00:29:29]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes. It brings us back to accountability, doesn't it?

[00:29:32]

Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely, you know, and being accountable. I think then we can actually fall into the preparation and we're never taking action

[00:29:40]

Sharlene Licciardello: because we're

[00:29:40]

Sharlene Licciardello: not getting the perfectionism.

[00:29:42]

Sharlene Licciardello: And Especially in those goals where we wanna set up everything, and then we have all these little knickknacks, you know, all the calendars, all the schedules, and we make it all look pretty, we don't do anything right. Interaction. I'm working

[00:29:54]

Sharlene Licciardello: with someone at the moment, and of our clients, and they're so busy doing social media posts and creating photos and creating are these posts that they're actually not moving forward at all are thinking that all the creation is gonna make their business grow. And I'm like, you know, there needs to be some other action here. That's only a percentage of your business. So I think preparing the place is important, preparing the environment, preparing the stage for change is important, but also taking action.

[00:30:24]

Sharlene Licciardello: Because according to Harrier's Truman, he says that the imperfect action is better than perfect inaction. And how many students actually go through that, right? They get their assignment in and they've completed all the answers. They've answered all the questions, but then they come back to it and think, oh, this is not right. How to fix it?

[00:30:42]

Sharlene Licciardello: And are look at it and

[00:30:43]

Sharlene Licciardello: trying to take a maybe a certificate for to a diploma or a bachelor level of English, but that's not what you're asked to do.

[00:30:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. That's so true. I think another thing that we underestimate when it comes to change is actually setting up routines

[00:30:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes.

[00:30:56]

Sharlene Licciardello: And habits that align with your goals and they can significantly increase the achievement of your goals. And and 2 books that we've read and and I know your you love one of them more than the other, but they're both great books. And the first one is the miracle morning by by hell how eldrod And the second one is the 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma. And you really love that book because it's it's not an actual, it's more of a

[00:31:22]

Sharlene Licciardello: Story?

[00:31:23]

Sharlene Licciardello: It's a story. Yeah. It's written in story form with characters and all that. But the principles are very similar is in if you wanna achieve success in some area of your life, set up a morning routine. Now morning routines are really important and and, yes, they are so important to get your mind frame and your frame of mind right and and set up the day for action. Don't limit yourself to morning routines. Is there a night routine? Is there a midday routine that you need to follow to get into action? What are some of those routines that you can establish in order to get close to your goals? It could be simply the, you know, I remember Sharlene, you struggle with drinking water and one of the and you know like you weren't drinking enough water during the day that was recommended. And so you set up a routine that you would set an alarm on the hour every hour and have a quarter of a glass of water.

[00:32:15]

Sharlene Licciardello: And then you built that up and until that routine then became habit and habit became action and the now it's an unconscious behavior the you drink enough water.

[00:32:25]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And that there's so many other ways that you can get around, like, the hesitancy is to do those particular routines by making it, I guess, pleasurable for yourself to do those things. Like, for example, like, for me with water because I I struggle with just having plain water. I love to have a taste, like, enjoy the senses of taste. So I'll put things like lemon or mints or something that makes it more pleasurable to actually go towards. And I look forward to drinking water. So things like even setting up for a team when you wanna go for an exercise or walk, like, after work, find something that's pleasurable to go with that. Like, many of perhaps your favorite music that you like to listen to in your earphones Or bring your dog the.

[00:33:09]

Sharlene Licciardello: Bring your if you have a pet, bring your pet with you. Take them for a walk and enjoy that.

[00:33:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: The next thing that when you're setting up that routine and you're setting up the environment is actually you need to see yourself as though you've already achieved it.

[00:33:22]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:33:23]

Sharlene Licciardello: Because the unconscious mind takes everything literal. So if you start saying if you're seeing yourself as not achieving that goal, that is your reality. But you next really need to see yourself as in the possession of the rewrite and the final chapter, the outcome that you want. You need to see yourself as that person in that place and really get emotionally involved in that visualization.

[00:33:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: Okay, students. So how would it play the devil's advocate for all of this this year? Oh, great. Is that isn't that just like lying to ourselves?

[00:33:53]

Sharlene Licciardello: It's a lying to her hosts of no. I don't believe lying to ourselves. I believe in it. It's rehearsing our reality.

[00:33:58]

Sharlene Licciardello: I love that. Yeah. I love that. Rehearsing our reality.

[00:34:00]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. So when you're on a stage, actors rehearse, and Shakespeare said the world is a stage, you know? Yeah. So it's rehearsing the reality that you want your life to be.

[00:34:10]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah.

[00:34:11]

Sharlene Licciardello: And bringing that into being, and in and really working with your unconscious mind in so that the unconscious mind because remember your unconscious and, the young the conscious mind is the goal set up, but the unconscious mind is the goal get up.

[00:34:26]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yes.

[00:34:26]

Sharlene Licciardello: And so that once we start feeding that unconscious minds with the goal that we want, then our reticular activating system, and that's a whole another training the, a whole another podcast talking about our ras. But our reticular activating system then goes into action and starts to identify, starts to see, and starts to bring those things into being into our lives.

[00:34:49]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's a great yeah. That's great. And so it actually reminds me of when we're in the crux of doing NLP, we learn that the unconscious mind does not know the difference between true and not true. And how many times do we actually use our imagination right for things that are not true the are that we're worried about? The we use that a lot for negative imaginations. We worry and we think about what could I do? What happens if this happens? Or what happens if I do that? What will people say? Things like that. These are imaginary things. Again, the could be lying to you, but that might be just the way we imagine how things will be. If we can use our imagination for worry, we can use our imagination to set ourselves up for success.

[00:35:31]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. Absolutely. And I think moving on from the visualization is the celebration of even the small things. You know, even a small progress is a win. But then be careful because a lot of people fail in this area. The success or the celebration is the very thing that you are trying to move away from, Jeremy. So for instance, I'll just have a small treat and when you're trying to lose weight, right? And so you have that chocolate are, but that's the one thing that gets you undone. Well, first of all, you're not a dog that you need a treat.

[00:36:05]

Sharlene Licciardello: You know? You need celebratory things that make you feel good. Don't turn to the old pattern as the treat.

[00:36:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: That's right.

[00:36:14]

Sharlene Licciardello: Okay? Or I'll just do this and or I'll have a cheat time or a cheats, you know, a cheat meal or things like that. Don't call it that. You know? It is what it is, and you know, I have it and don't have it. Yeah. Don't put labels on on things. But if you gotta call it a treat, unconsciously, you're already setting yourself up for failure.

[00:36:33]

Sharlene Licciardello: So it's not about the celebrating how we used to be and the way we used to be. We're celebrating the victory of who we are now by encouraging that through a new way of celebrating.

[00:36:46]

Sharlene Licciardello: Oh, like that. The final step to actually taking action and move into action and rewrite his community. We speak about it a lot. Healing transformation happens in community. And so what you wanna do is get people around you that are supportive you of your goals and sometimes you need to find new people and that's okay sometimes you need to not share what you actually are doing with the people that are currently in your life and that's okay. There are people out there that wanna support you, and there are communities in place for the. You know? And reach out to us again as we say, but I love what Helen Keller says. Do you wanna share Yeah.

[00:37:27]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. So Helen Keller says, alone, we can do so little. Together, we can do so much.

[00:37:32]

Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. And so it's that compounding effect of people getting together, raising the vibration, raising the lang the language, raising that the atmosphere and really causing a change not only in your person, but vibrating the change around. And I think that too is so important when it comes to rewriting our story.

[00:37:55]

Sharlene Licciardello: We think that we are lone islands in this world, but everything that we do sets the stage for the community that we're in. It affects the people that we're around whether we think we do or not. Because if we have a really great admin like, we have a great attitude and we do certain things, it makes a difference in the atmosphere that we're in.

[00:38:18]

Sharlene Licciardello: That was a great podcast where we just gave a lot out there. So I guess for you, Sharlene, what are some of the main highlights that you want our listeners to take out?

[00:38:28]

Sharlene Licciardello: Looking at how we can visit our limiting beliefs to address those false beliefs that we've had in our mind that stop us from going for what we want and realizing that we can actually use pain and pleasure for our good and control pain and pleasure rather than having plain and pleasure control us.

[00:38:50]

Sharlene Licciardello: And I think that is sort of vital to anything when it comes to change. You know, I think the key number and is one getting clarity. Start from where you are, not from where you think you are. I love your analogy on the GPS, but 2 is really know what your motivators are and make sure that you're motivated by the right thing. It's either pain or pleasure, but make sure if you're motivated by pain, know which pain is motivating and. Is it the pain of being where you are or the pain of making change? And I guess Sharlene some ways that if people not sure what's motivating them, they can do things like eliciting their values, eliciting their motivations, and what actually works for them and what is motivating them. And there's some really cool tools and modalities out there. And if you wanna know more on what motivates you, make sure you just email us at hi at and.

[00:39:47]

Sharlene Licciardello: And we will definitely reach out to you. You can ask us any questions there as in but give us a bit of a background. Again, that's hi at Stephen and Sharlene, and we'll get back to you with some tools that could address or help you in that area as well.

[00:40:03]

Sharlene Licciardello: Thank you for joining us on the The Your Story podcast.

[00:40:05]

Sharlene Licciardello: We hope you found this episode enlightening.

[00:40:07]

Sharlene Licciardello: For more information on the topics discussed, please visit our website at Stephen.

[00:40:12]

Sharlene Licciardello: Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform. Share with your friends and follow us on social media at Stephen And.

[00:40:19]

Sharlene Licciardello: Until next time, stay informed and inspired.

[00:40:22]

Sharlene Licciardello: This is Stephen and Sharlene signing off from the rewrite your story podcast. Thank you and stay blessed.