[00:00:00] Stephen Licciardello: Have you ever been in a situation where every choice seems like a dead end? [00:00:04] Sharlene Licciardello: Today we're talking with Nico Lagan, a man that knows their family all too well, from high school dropout and drug dealing to the brink of homelessness. But amid this chaos, he discovered an unlikely savior in the form of an ancient discipline that's more than just a sport. [00:00:18] Stephen Licciardello: It redefined his understanding of resilience and taught him the true power of physical and mental endurance. You will discover why his journey into Buddhism ultimately was not fulfilling him, and how a different spiritual path has impacted and [00:00:30] continues to shape his life. Even now, [00:00:31] Sharlene Licciardello: make sure to stick around to the end because negotiates a simple life-changing exercise. [00:00:36] Sharlene Licciardello: Something that could be the key to turning areas of your life around. [00:00:39] Stephen Licciardello: So let's get started. [00:00:40] [00:00:40] Stephen Licciardello: [00:01:00] Nico, welcome to our show. [00:01:20] Stephen Licciardello: You have an awesome story, an awesome story of transformation and change, but also you're doing so many projects and helping so many, and you've got your own podcast. But [00:01:30] before we go into that, why don't you take us from the beginning? [00:01:32] Nico Lagan: 14, my dad left and I was left with a single mother, which. You know, as much as people don't like when I say this, a woman cannot teach a boy how to become a man. She can surround her son with men that she thinks are good men, that he can follow with, can mold himself after, but this is not something my mother did, unfortunately, and within the span of a year, I was a high school dropout, I was consuming drugs, I was not paying attention [00:02:00] anymore. [00:02:00] Nico Lagan: Like, my mother eventually found a good man, but it was too late. I wasn't paying attention to What he was saying anymore. I knew better. I didn't but I thought I did right and at 14 What did I know about what a good man was so back then I was a big fan of rap I was a big fan of gangster rap, especially guys coming out of New York which drug dealers Selling drugs, doing drugs, partying day in, day out, and funny enough, that's the path I went down, and I was down that path for, well, six years, [00:02:30] seven years, give or take, and, you know, it always goes worse, and worse, and worse, and worse, when no school is involved, then you get to do whatever you want, and all I did is write, rap song, like, write songs, do drugs, and sell drugs to support my habits. [00:02:45] Nico Lagan: That's pretty much what my life was for six to seven years. I left my mother's house. I was 17. By the time I chose to do something about it, there had been four years since I had left [00:03:00] home. And in the span of four years, I think I got ejected from three apartments. So let's just, to put it mildly, I was not a good tenant. [00:03:08] Nico Lagan: You're not the type of tenant. As a guy that owns Rental property. I'm not the guy. I would not rent to myself. I wouldn't have rented to myself back then. That's for sure. And you know, this is something I've learned through, I've learned in life is human beings are very hard headed. [00:03:24] Nico Lagan: We don't change unless the pain of continuing is, is too much to bear that we're [00:03:30] really at a, we're in rock bottom. We're in a place where. Continuing to do what we're currently doing is too painful and it's less painful to change than it is to continue. And as Einstein said, the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. [00:03:46] Nico Lagan: So I was sitting. In my apartment, I was getting evicted for the third time in four years. Literally, my boxes are packed. I'm becoming homeless. I had an opportunity to, instead of selling drugs, I could [00:04:00] start producing it. [00:04:01] Nico Lagan: But the opportunity was not right now. Like, I still had some time to kill in order to get there. And on that day, I had no place to go. That's the day I stopped believing in coincidences. My phone rings, my mother was calling me. And I've always had a special relationship with my mother. [00:04:17] Nico Lagan: Like, let's call a spade a spade. I don't have the best of relationships to this day. And for some reason, she called me with just a question. Are you happy? And it's the first, you know, those are simple questions. But when you're in a [00:04:30] situation where You're a drug addict, you're a thief, you're a drug dealer, you're selfish, you're, you haven't been a good human being, you've only cared about yourself, and you're becoming homeless. [00:04:40] Nico Lagan: I hadn't taken the time to ponder it and my mother asked, if you're not, you can come back home. [00:04:46] Nico Lagan: I don't have. Like, you're going to have to do something. It's not, you're not going to continue doing what you're doing today. That's, that's not true. Like, this is not what this is about. But if you do want to change, if you want to do something, come back home. I don't have the money to pay for an education. [00:04:59] Nico Lagan: I don't [00:05:00] have, a lot of money. My, my, my mother was nowhere close from being rich. She was actually a pretty poor woman back then. And she just said, you know, at least I can offer you a, a roof over your head. You won't have to worry about that. And yeah, that day I changed that day. I decided to go back to my mother's place, which is something I had never considered. [00:05:18] Nico Lagan: I realized that sometimes you need to take a step backwards, at least what you believe is a step backward in order to pay attention, reassess, evaluate what's going on so that you can further down the road. Take. A [00:05:30] few step forward and that's what I did that day. [00:05:32] Nico Lagan: So within the span of like, I moved back to my mother's that day. Within the span of about two and a half years, I had a high school diploma. I had gone to a technical college. I did a compressed two year program in a span of 16 months and I discovered the gym, discovered martial arts. Like I literally, the day I decided to ask myself the question, Am I happy? This changed the path for the rest of my life. Like it was, if it wasn't for that [00:06:00] single Phone call. I don't know where I would be today because I got some friends that were in prison. I got some friends that died. I got some friends that died in prison. So my path could have been exactly the same as theirs, but luckily it wasn't. [00:06:13] Nico Lagan: But I can tell you to this day, I don't speak to those people. It's been more than 20 years and I'm not in touch with any, any of those guys. I only surround myself by extremely successful people, or I don't surround myself by anybody. [00:06:26] Nico Lagan: it's all about accountability. Let's say that I can [00:06:30] resume my whole, my whole life based on accountability. To this day, it's still the number one thing. And I would argue that it is the biggest problem in society today is that we are not accountable for our actions and we're extremely selfish in our behaviors. [00:06:44] Nico Lagan: Name me a problem that we face today and I can point to somebody that don't want to do their job That's expecting somebody else to do it for them. [00:06:51] Stephen Licciardello: That's a really good point. when you opened up, you said a man is made through [00:06:55] Stephen Licciardello: trials and tribulation. A boy is born. and you also spoke, I know you speak about [00:07:00] having that masculine figure and redefining the masculinity. Do you want to speak into that and how that changed in your life? [00:07:06] Stephen Licciardello: And who was the catalyst or was there several mentors? [00:07:10] Nico Lagan: You know, I my stepfather was a great man But I wasn't listening. Like I wish like he died about 10 years ago give or take but my memory sucks. I used to fight, I've got punched in the face too many times, [00:07:21] Nico Lagan: But, he's been dead for years and I wish I could speak to him as a man now, as the man that I am today, not the man that I was back then, cause even 7 or 8, I'm [00:07:30] always reinventing myself and 7 or 8 years ago I wasn't who I am today, but. I can't name one single person, like there's not one person that has really changed my life, it's always been. people that I meet on the path. I'm, you know, the day I decided to be accountable, I also became extremely aware of the people around me having to cut off everybody. I really went from being an extremely popular person with a certain type of people to having no friends at all, to really [00:08:00] dedicated myself to just making myself better. [00:08:04] Nico Lagan: It sounds selfish, but you know, in order to be selfless, you need to first become selfish. By being selfish, you get to share yourself with the world afterwards, but this is Something that stuck with me to this day. I'm, I'm a loner, right? I know a lot of people interact with a lot of people, but if you don't have a positive energy, if you, I split everybody in two categories. [00:08:25] Nico Lagan: You pull me down or you bring me up. And unfortunately, it's not a 50 50 split, right? It's [00:08:30] probably a 99 percent Bring me down and 1 percent brings, like, pulls you up. It doesn't mean that 99 percent of people are bad people. It just means that they're not on the same path as I am on, right? [00:08:42] NA: yeah, [00:08:42] Nico Lagan: It's, I've been, you know, I, I, I'm a Christian. [00:08:46] Nico Lagan: I believe in God. I believe that there's no coincidences. I believe that if you pay attention to the people that are around you, the situations in which you find yourself, you start paying attention to everything that goes on around you, you start noticing that there's no coincidences. Only [00:09:00] people that are not aware believe in coincidences. [00:09:02] Nico Lagan: As soon as you start paying attention to what goes on around you and you start being able, as I said earlier, to step back, to just say, you know what, this happened, okay, what, what's that supposed to mean, where am I supposed to take this, what does it mean in my life today, like, every people that I meet, I'm like, okay, where do they fit, like, am I supposed to help them, are they supposed to help me, is it a mutual thing, what is it, I try to analyze everything that goes on around me and see what my role in that [00:09:30] situation is, Whatever it means. [00:09:32] Nico Lagan: So I've been blessed to have been very aware of the people around me and I'm somebody that has a lot of courage that will ask for help. If I meet somebody that knows more than I do, I will annoy the hell out of you because I'll always be asking you. If I notice that you're smarter than me in something, be ready for it because I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions. [00:09:52] Nico Lagan: I'm always going to be I'm not ashamed to admit that I don't know. I'm not ashamed to ask other people's questions. And this is what [00:10:00] it comes down to. There's a lot of good men around us, but if I had to pick one single place, and it is the thing that I recommend to every man out there, to every young man, to every single mother, like to single mothers out there, if you have a son, put him in martial arts. [00:10:14] Nico Lagan: That changed my life completely, completely changed my life. It really I went from being from being bullied in my teenage years to being a North American amateur champion in Muay Thai. So it's really interesting how the day I decided to be [00:10:30] accountable. It was a catalyst for everything else in my life. [00:10:33] Nico Lagan: When I started saying, I need to go back to school to do something out of my, to make something out of myself, it was one thing after another. As soon as I was done something, I'm like, okay, what else can I do? I discovered the gym when I was in college. And I went from a scrawny kid of 140 pounds on six foot one, to now I walk around 215 pounds, give or take. [00:10:53] Nico Lagan: I've been hitting the gym four to six times a week for 20 years now. And I can count on one hand the amount [00:11:00] of weeks that I've taken off in all that time. But it's always one thing after the other, right? When you start realizing that you have a direct impact on your fitness. You start realizing that, oh, maybe I have an impact on my mind, too. [00:11:11] Nico Lagan: Maybe the people around me have matters. Maybe the what I watch on TV, maybe the music that I listen to, maybe the things that I read actually have an impact on myself, too. So it's really eye opening when you start, because to me, you know, we can talk about the five virtues of a good man, which I speak about all the time. [00:11:27] Nico Lagan: But in order to, there's a connection between [00:11:30] your mind, body and soul, and in order to get access to your mind, you need to first take over your body. This is the number one thing that you can do that is physical. You can see it in the mirror. There's, if you go naked in front of the mirror right now and you're not happy with the way you look, guess what? [00:11:43] Nico Lagan: That's your fault. That's on you. It's a hundred percent on you. But luckily, if you look terrible in the mirror, if you've been treating your body like a dumpster, that means you also have the power to change it. You have the power to do something about it and say, you know what? From today on, I will take ownership of what I look like. [00:11:59] Nico Lagan: And it's [00:12:00] something, unfortunately, that's not spoken about a lot because look in the U. S. right now, 42 percent of Americans are obese, another 30 percent are overweight, less than 28 percent of people are in okay shape. And we're not talking athletes. We're not talking people that take it seriously the way I do. [00:12:15] Nico Lagan: Just people that are in a healthy body. That's insane to me. That's absolutely insane because it is you. You have control over this. That's 100 percent you and you know, I'm a big fan of fasting. I'm a big fan of, I do intermittent [00:12:30] fasting. I've been doing it for six years every day. I just did last week a three day water fast. [00:12:35] Nico Lagan: So I do multiple three to five day fast every year, but always on fasting too. So the excuse of telling me that good food is expensive. Yeah. You know what I. You can stop eating. It's actually good for you. Seriously. So there's no excuses when it comes to that. And when you do own to it, your mind opens up. [00:12:55] Nico Lagan: Because for you to go to the gym four or five times a week, for you to start looking at [00:13:00] your food intake, you'll start developing discipline. You'll start realizing that hard work actually does pay off. That all you have to do is be accountable. And next thing you know, you're actually taking notice of everything else in your life that you have control over. [00:13:14] Nico Lagan: And, you know, martial art gave me that, gave me access to my mind. Showed me that I wasn't made out of glass, that I could take a punch. That I did have discipline that I was ready to work hard that my pain threshold is a lot, is a lot bigger than I thought, like a lot of [00:13:30] people give up because their mind is weak. [00:13:32] Nico Lagan: I give up when my body gives up. So it's not a mind thing anymore. And not only that, but man, I fought in front of thousands of people. Do you think I was scared as a sales rep to go sell? What's the worst that's going to happen? I'm not going to get the sale. Ooh, I got knocked out in front of 2000 people. [00:13:49] Nico Lagan: And my ex wife was in the audience with her family. That's something to be ashamed of. And yet to this day, it's just just another experience, right? So it's interesting how the day you start [00:14:00] taking accountability for your actions and you start looking around you and be aware of. What your actions, what you put out there, and the people you let around you, how everything changes. [00:14:11] Nico Lagan: And, you know, I wasn't taught as a young man that I had responsibilities. I wasn't taught as a young man that men are supposed to be part of a team. We're supposed to be part of a tribe, of a clan. You're supposed to be able to depend on others, but also others to depend on you. And this is what martial art taught me. [00:14:27] Nico Lagan: Really, that there are good [00:14:30] men out there that just wants to teach you. Because look at most coaches out there, and I'm a big fan of the movie, Coach Carter, top three favorite movie, that movie makes me cry like a little girl, and I've seen it 40, if not 50 times, and one of the amazing things that most people don't realize is great coaches use learning And their, um, Passion like sport or martial art to teach a very specific type of people life [00:15:00] lessons like coach Carter being the perfect example, right? [00:15:02] Nico Lagan: The guy has money. He doesn't need to be teaching, especially that he's not making money doing it. So technically his business is suffering. It's costing him money to do it. But he, as he says in the movie, I wanted to teach a very specific. type of young men. But his goal was not to teach him basketball. He used basketball to teach them about life lesson, which is why basically every person on his team that carried on through the season actually ended up going to college. [00:15:28] Nico Lagan: When you looked at the [00:15:30] percentage of the school, men was like 10 percent Maybe 10 percent of the school's men went to college, but yet he graduated a team, a basketball team. They all went. This is the power of a great coach. And that's why martial art to me is as good as it gets when it comes to young boys. [00:15:48] Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. Thank [00:15:49] Nico Lagan: Was that a short answer or [00:15:51] Stephen Licciardello: No, it was I just realized I just I've been babbling for like 18 minutes now [00:15:56] Stephen Licciardello: That is perfect. You know, Nico, there's a few things that you said in [00:16:00] that and I want to go back to them. One of the things that I'm picking up is, would you consider fitness being the first thing to change in your life? [00:16:08] Nico Lagan: 100, 000 million percent I cannot stress this enough that I'm a Christian, and you're being disrespectful to God if you don't take care of your body. You know, even the Greeks said this, that one of the biggest shame that a man should have is never understand the power of his body. Develop it, because this is yours. It belongs to you. The way you look in the mirror is 100 [00:16:30] percent yours. You can't change your face if you were born ugly. Sucks to be you. Can't do anything about that! No, that's not true, there's surgeries now, you can probably change it all, but your body is about one of the only thing that you can't buy yet. And, my buddy was on a podcast with Bradley, and Bradley asked him, he's like, are, do you have abs? And the guy's like 24 years old, he's jacked. Like he's he's incredible shape, right? [00:16:52] Nico Lagan: And he's like, of course takes his, like, he lifts his shirt. Of course I have abs. He's like, do you know that one out of 10 Americans a millionaire? But less than 1% of American [00:17:00] have visible abs? And we're not talking six pack, 3 percent body fat, visible abs. So it's harder, it is, there's less people, there's 10 times less people with visible abs than millionaires. And it is a lot harder to make, in my opinion, it's a lot harder to make a million than it is to have abs. Because that's in your power. We all come from a different environment. Not everybody like me didn't have money growing up. So it's not like I didn't have a massive down payment that I could run on the business. Your, your [00:17:30] health, your body, the way you look is 100 percent yours. Control that and there's nothing that you can't accomplish. [00:17:36] Stephen Licciardello: You said a few times that you're a Christian. what role has faith played in your transformation? [00:17:42] Nico Lagan: Zero. It was not, it's something that's pretty recent. I don't come from a religious family at all, at all, at all, like I was baptized, but you know, it's just something we did. It's not, the separation of state and religion in Canada, what happened in like the 60s or the 70s, like before I was born and my family's not [00:18:00] religious whatsoever. [00:18:01] Nico Lagan: but when my dad got, my stepfather, when he got cancer, I, I was puzzled because it didn't make sense to me and one of my buddies gave me, my first Buddhist book and I started reading and I was a Buddhist for a good 10 years. Until about three years ago, I, I was living in the middle of nowhere. [00:18:21] Nico Lagan: Like we all know what happened in 2020. Andwhen that happened, I had an investment house in the middle of nowhere. And think about the most Canadian thing you can think of. [00:18:29] Nico Lagan: Log [00:18:30] house, top of a mountain in the middle of the woods. That's, I still have the property today, but yeah. So I, I decided to leave the city and go live there. And it's a, I spent a lot of time alone. Like I ended up spending three, just over three years there. And the first one year and a half I was basically alone there with my dog. [00:18:48] Nico Lagan: it's incredible when you start removing all the distractions around you. And you're just left with yourself and boredom. What you start realizing. And I started realizing that, I did believe in God. I didn't know which [00:19:00] one yet. But one of my buddy just. Started sending me, gospel music. [00:19:05] Nico Lagan: That was three, Christmases ago. And I pondered it, but I wasn't like I, I never read the Bible end to end. I was never big reader, but never, never religious texts per se outside of, outside of Buddhism. But 14 months ago when we, when we left Canada, we, my mentor is out of Virginia, and he's a Christian, like he's been, since I've known him, he's a Christian, his family is very [00:19:30] Christian, and we stayed in Virginia for a while, and he's like, hey, we should go to church on Sunday, and Man, 14 months ago that I could count on one hand the amount of time I've been in church my whole life, like so we went to church, but I didn't really like the pastor. [00:19:43] Nico Lagan: I'm, I'm a sales guy. I'm very good on presentation. So if you suck at presenting, I'm not, you know, you have my attention for about a minute. And then I'm just, I'm just destroying you in my head. I'm like, you should say this. You should do it. You're wrong about this. So, but it started the exploration. It's really, [00:20:00] we've been through 23 states now. [00:20:01] Nico Lagan: We've everywhere that we stopped, we went to church and we try to find churches that we could go while we were there. And we've been to quite a few really good ones. And in Texas, we ended up in Arizona. Arizona is, there's a pastor there that changed super small church. You're talking like maybe 20 people. [00:20:21] Nico Lagan: He's an artist, so he has a, picture gallery like he paints and. He turned it into a small chapel and the guys had similar [00:20:30] background to me, was part of a gang, sold drugs, was not a good man, not a good man at all. And he found Christ later on in life. And now that's all he talks about. And, but he talks about it, not in a, I'm not one. [00:20:41] Nico Lagan: Okay, so I'm, I'm non denominational. I don't, I'm not a Catholic. I'm not a Protestant. I read the Bible from end to end and I follow Jesus Christ. I don't follow religion. So, [00:20:51] Sharlene Licciardello: yeah, [00:20:52] Nico Lagan: but this has been the last, the past 14 months. I've been very, very intense and deep diving into my faith. [00:20:59] Nico Lagan: I've [00:21:00] always had instincts. Since I can remember, I've been calling it instincts and over the past few months I realized that I never had instincts. I was just Always open to God's Word. Now I know that He's talking to me. I talk to Him all the time. I've been talking to Him for I've been praying, even as a Buddhist I was praying. [00:21:16] Nico Lagan: So I've been praying for 10 years, right? But, over, we met, I got re baptized in Colorado in June this year. And ever since, I've been trying to create a lot of content around it. I've been reading a lot on C. [00:21:30] S. Lewis. I've been reading, Straubel. I've been reading Tim Keller. Right now, my goal is to read, is to read the Bible from cover to cover for the first time in my life. [00:21:39] Nico Lagan: So I've been, I think I spent three hours just today reading it. So. Yeah, it's, I'm, I, I've, been asking a lot of questions. I've been talking to God a lot. I've been talking to pastors a lot, finally, in Alabama. We've met some pastors that are ready to talk to me, because I'm not your typical pastor. Like, I, I, you take a, you're a typical Christian, sorry. [00:21:59] Nico Lagan: I'm not for [00:22:00] everybody, like I swear, I'll call you on your crap. I, I'm not somebody that worries about your, your emotions. I'm not here to make you feel better. If you have questions and you need an answer, I'll give it to you. However you feel about it. Don't matter to me, but I really want to help. [00:22:13] Nico Lagan: I want to be a bridge to guys like me that come from a tough background. But you know, after, as you grow older, you start asking more fundamental questions, more existential questions. And. You start realizing that there is something higher than us all. And [00:22:30] this is what, this is the people I want to help. [00:22:32] Nico Lagan: Don't be surprised if four years from now I'm a pastor. But right now I've, at least in Alabama, I've met a lot of cool guys that are ready to sit down with me and answer tough questions like on camera. [00:22:42] Stephen Licciardello: Well, if that happens, make sure you let us know and we'll come and visit your [00:22:45] NA: church. [00:22:45] Nico Lagan: yeah, you know, I think my church is going to be on social media. [00:22:49] Stephen Licciardello: even better. Nico, you have a podcast and you describe it as a controversial podcast and there's nothing to do in that podcast. Speak to our audience. What are some of the topics [00:23:00] you cover and what is the purpose of your podcast? [00:23:02] Nico Lagan: started another one, like literally three days ago, which I'd rather talk about this one if you don't mind, [00:23:08] Nico Lagan: It's called men helping men. the goal is to give five minutes to people that help men. So coaches, business life. Yeah. Yeah. athletes, whatever, whatever field you're in. If you're trying to help men become better, I literally ask you one simple question. What is the, what, what was your most impactful lesson and how did it change your [00:23:30] life? [00:23:30] Nico Lagan: And I give five minutes to the guests to just. Go in whatever direction that they want They're eight minutes long from record to end I've been able to grow About a hundred thousand followers over the past year. [00:23:42] Nico Lagan: I get millions of views every month and I just want to give A chance for guys that don't have an audience necessarily, to put their words out there to help other men get better. And if there's, if my audience found something that they like about them, just here's their information. Get in [00:24:00] contact with them, have them help you. [00:24:02] Nico Lagan: So this is the one I'm, I don't know why I waited so long to do it, We'll see if it works out. [00:24:07] Stephen Licciardello: I'm sure it will. [00:24:08] Sharlene Licciardello: Nico, what, one thing I've noticed like in the past is that a lot of guys will take an experience like you've had and say, Oh, you know. That's just the way it is now. Like I've never had a mentor, so I've never had a father figure, but you've actually taken that, like that lack and you've actually done something with it. [00:24:26] Sharlene Licciardello: Like you're, you've turned it around and you're helping other people. What [00:24:30] is it that's given you that strength to look outside of yourself? [00:24:34] NA: You know, when I first started martial arts, I realized something. I had two choices. I could stay a victim, stay a coward, or I could do something about it. What are the Everything you have in life You know, we control three things in our life. [00:24:46] Nico Lagan: We control our emotions, our actions, and our reactions. That's it. That's all you got. You choose those three things. And Whatever results from there, whatever situation you find yourself in, you have two [00:25:00] choices. You take responsibility for your action or you blame others for them. That's it. Those are your choices. And I refuse to be a victim. I was a victim for a long time. I was a victim for almost 21 years and I refuse to be a victim anymore. You know, I will never apologize for being who I am. I will never I will not tiptoe around other people, and I have the courage to stand by what I'm doing, and I have the courage to give my life to God. [00:25:27] Nico Lagan: So I'm just doing God's work here, [00:25:30] however it resonates with people. If you're pissed off at it, talk to the man. I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing. If you're pissed off, talk to him. He's the one telling me what I'm supposed to do. So it's, it's very interesting again, when you, when you decide to take ownership, and you decide that You have two choices. [00:25:47] Nico Lagan: Whatever you're doing. And that applies to a hundred percent of everything in your life. Choice is yours. [00:25:52] Stephen Licciardello: I'm going to ask a question and I want you to be straight up. so I'm a Christian as well and, and [00:25:58] Stephen Licciardello: and Charlene, [00:25:59] Nico Lagan: [00:26:00] Virtually, virtual high fives. [00:26:01] Stephen Licciardello: but my question is, what would you say to men who think being a Christian is weak? [00:26:07] Nico Lagan: On the contrary, being Christian is the hardest thing you can ever be. Being a Buddhist was weak. Being a Buddhist is simply, is extremely selfish. This is one, one of the things I realized recently is being a Buddhist is all about attaining enlightenment. This is very selfish. It's about it's literally the goal is to separate yourself from the world and realize that it is just a joke and realize that it is not real, You can detach [00:26:30] yourself from feeling. [00:26:31] Nico Lagan: This is the goal of a Buddhist. Christian is the complete opposite. You're being told from the get go, the day that you choose to follow Jesus Christ, you start to realize that, you know what, your sins have been paid for, but from now on, He expects you to be better. He expects you to be hospitable. He expects you to help others. [00:26:49] Nico Lagan: He expects you to turn the other cheek. He expects you to love people that other people don't love. He expects you to not hate, to not hate people. Like I, there's not one single person on this [00:27:00] planet that I hate. I might not like you, that doesn't mean I hate you. Hate is such a strong word. But being a Christian is hard because it comes with rules. [00:27:09] Nico Lagan: You need to follow these rules you have. God has expectations for you. And the fact that you feel bad about it is not enough. Repenting is not feeling bad. Repenting is meaning it. It is saying, you know what, I messed up. I'm sorry, and I'm going to do better. This is hard. Again, what I love about Christianity is all about [00:27:30] accountability, every single one read through the read through the Bible, it's through accountability. [00:27:35] Nico Lagan: And even further than that, what's what I find extremely interesting about I'm a big fan of philosophy, psychology and theology to me, they all mixed together. And one thing that I find extremely interesting in Christianity is that God always uses pain and suffering. In order to teach you something, and it's interesting because I always say this men are made through trials and tribulations. [00:27:56] Nico Lagan: So literally men are made through pain and suffering [00:28:00] pain and suffering of the greatest of teachers. God makes you hurt not because he hates you, but because he knows that we're pretty stupid and we don't learn until we're hurting so bad. that we're ready to change. [00:28:12] Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. [00:28:13] Nico Lagan: very interesting. When you start reading the Bible, you start really reading masterminds like Tim Keller, Strobel, C. [00:28:21] Nico Lagan: S. Lewis, and you start understanding what they believe the Word of God is. It's absolutely interesting. It's very, very interesting. If again, if you're self aware, you're [00:28:30] accountable. If you're accountable, Christianity makes sense. The only reason somebody tells me that Christianity doesn't make sense is because I asked this question a few, a few weeks ago to my audience, and I asked, Do atheists not believe in God, or do they not want to believe in God? [00:28:46] Nico Lagan: And surprisingly, most of the people did not get the question at all. They're like, there's no difference. yeah, there is. Before, I did not believe in God because I never pondered. I never looked into it. I never done the research. And then I started to look at Christianity. I'm like, oh shit, this sucks. [00:28:59] Nico Lagan: This [00:29:00] is not going to be easy if I choose to accept this. This is going to be hard. So a lot of people have looked into it. They're like, yeah, no, I want to believe that I'm my own God, that I'm perfect the way I am. Yeah, because being a Christian comes with responsibilities and expectations. [00:29:13] Stephen Licciardello: This [00:29:13] Stephen Licciardello: is awesome. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing and being open and honest. [00:29:18] Sharlene Licciardello: I love that perspective as well. And I'm like, I know there's a lot of people out there will probably think, well, you know, does that mean that God creates these problems for us? what would you say to them? [00:29:28] Nico Lagan: God gave you free will. [00:29:30] Humans are evil, not God. So you have two, two ways of seeing it. And this is why I love. This is why reading the Bible is not enough because we're very limited in our understanding. But when you have guys like Tim Keller that was able to open the Redeemer Church in Manhattan and grow it to 6, 000 people, it's insane. [00:29:49] Nico Lagan: What he did is absolutely insane. And that's how he explains it, right? God gave men free will. He had two choices. We could be automatons and just just look [00:30:00] at God and God Almighty and have no chance and have no choice. Instead, He decided to give us free will to be to us be responsible for our actions. [00:30:09] Nico Lagan: If you look at everything that you find is evil, it's all meant by, it's all, all made by men. Men are evil, not God. again, accountability, what it comes down to. Every time, does not matter what it is, it always comes down to accountability. Do you want to be a robot? No. So you're accountable for your actions. [00:30:26] Nico Lagan: Did men create evil? Yes. Did God allow evil to happen? [00:30:30] Yes. Because he gave us free will. That's yin and yang. There's two sides to the same coin. You don't, you don't have a choice. If you want to have free will, there's people out there that don't want to be good. [00:30:40] Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. [00:30:41] Sharlene Licciardello: So, Nico, one of the things that we'd like to ask is what advice could you give to someone today to they wanted to rewrite their life story? [00:30:50] Nico Lagan: I don't think it's possible unless you're hurting to a point that you need to change. You know, I've, I used to do a lot of coaching, like one on one coaching, and I stopped to do it for a while because I [00:31:00] realized that unless you're hurting, you're not ready to change. Like, right now, there's a guy that approached me that I met in martial arts 20 years ago. [00:31:06] Nico Lagan: And, he's just like, hey bro, do you offer that type of help? I'm like, I do, but it's extremely rare. I don't do it often anymore just because it's a waste of my time. My time is, I have a million things I can do, I don't waste my time on people. And, but he told me a story and I'm like, oof, yeah, okay, you know what, bro? [00:31:21] Nico Lagan: Cool, let's do this. But He's hurting. He's in a very bad spot, like very. He's not a good. He's good. He's a father. But [00:31:30] I from what I gather is losing his kids. He's going through a divorce right now. And he's like, I don't know what to do. I can't trust women anymore. So what do I do? So that's the type of guy that I want to help. [00:31:41] Nico Lagan: That's definitely. And it's funny because my girlfriend this week was saying you need to start doing it again. You're supposed to help guys like that. So maybe you're supposed to spend more time looking for those guys, too. But I don't think you can reinvent your story until you're hurting so bad that you don't have a choice to change. [00:31:57] Nico Lagan: Well, sorry, you always have a choice, but [00:32:00] when it's hurting, when the consequences of being the same is too much, you know, the, the comfort zone is the biggest killer. This is terrible. You're not hurting enough to change. You're just comfortable enough that you can continue doing the same thing over and over again. [00:32:16] Nico Lagan: But if there's one thing I can ask the people out there to ask themselves and beat and be honest with this and with the question and the answer is consider this as per studies, the number one regret of the dying. Is [00:32:30] to have lived the life others expected of them, and not the life they knew they were supposed to live. [00:32:36] Nico Lagan: Is that the path that you're on right now? Are you living a life for other people? Or are you living the life you know you should be living? Are you living the life God created you to live? Are you living the life that you were meant? That's why you were, you were born. That's why you're here. Or are you just living a life that's easy? [00:32:54] Nico Lagan: Because, man, I could have continued as a sales engineer by now. I'd probably own four or five more new [00:33:00] properties. Instead, I decided to follow God and sell everything and just let's see what happens. Don't know, I had no idea where I was going with this. It's just, let's see what happens and I'll let him guide me. [00:33:13] Nico Lagan: Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. To this day, it is not simple. But, this is a life of purpose. [00:33:20] Sharlene Licciardello: Yeah. [00:33:20] Nico Lagan: I refuse to live. I refuse to have regret. I'd rather die young than live a full life of regret. [00:33:27] Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. [00:33:27] Nico Lagan: I'd even go even further. Sorry, [00:33:30] I'd go one further. Ask yourself today if you were to face God, would you go to heaven or not? Be truthful. You know, the ancient Egyptians with, they had, they had an idea, which I find absolutely amazing, where they thought that when they met God, God would take their heart, put it on a scale, and on the other side of the scale, they'd put a feather. If your heart was lighter, lighter than a feather, you could come to heaven. [00:33:53] Nico Lagan: So basically, if you've done more good than bad in your life, you can come in. And that's the question you should ask yourself as a person right [00:34:00] now. If you're truthful, look at your past, look at your actions, look at what you've done, would the world be a better place with you in it or you without it? Ask yourself that question. Is the world better with you in it or you out of it? [00:34:12] Stephen Licciardello: You know, last night I was watching a quick video from a preacher in the 60s and she said that it's actually going to cost you everything to follow Christ. And that's what you're saying. So thank you for sharing that as well. Absolutely. [00:34:29] Nico Lagan: It's going to cost you [00:34:30] everything, but it's going to give you back everything too. Life is so much simpler when you have faith. You know, in hard times, you look and you're like, you know what? God, it's in your hands. It's not in mine. I'll do what I know you want me to do, but the result doesn't belong to me anymore. [00:34:44] Nico Lagan: You know, I used to have goals, set goals, all my goals, all pre work, all the, I was, I'm an engineer by trade. So I would reverse engineer everything. Now I'm like, here, here, here you are God. And I have an idea of where I want to go with this, but I don't know. You know, I [00:35:00] play checkers, God plays chess. So, I know what I'm supposed to do somewhat. And I'll go in that direction and whatever happens happens, but this is very freeing. When you start to understand that as long as you put in the work, as long as you open your heart to God and you do, what he tells you to do, life is simpler. It is not easier. [00:35:19] Nico Lagan: It's a lot harder, but it's [00:35:20] Nico Lagan: simpler. [00:35:20] Sharlene Licciardello: Absolutely. Well, finally, Nick, just for our audience, if you could go back and rewrite your life story now, [00:35:26] NA: what would that look like? [00:35:27] Nico Lagan: I wouldn't change anything. You know, [00:35:30] my dad leaving is the reason I do what I do today. he died in my late 20s and I wish I could thank him today. I wish I would have had the chance to, I wish I would have gone. Out of my way to try to seek him because they had been a good nine years, give or take since I saw him last and I wasn't mad at him. [00:35:48] Nico Lagan: I'm just like, if he doesn't want anything to do with me, I won't have anything to do with him. And that was the end of it. again, I wouldn't be the person I am today. So would I change anything? No, just but it's interesting how. Our [00:36:00] biggest pains, if you choose to embrace pain, will make you a better person, even give you purpose, because my purpose comes from the pain that I've experienced. [00:36:10] Sharlene Licciardello: And too many people are trying to avoid that pain, [00:36:12] NA: aren't they? [00:36:13] Nico Lagan: it. If there's one thing I've learned in life is embrace pain. I, I'm not somebody that likes to, I don't like pain, don't get me wrong, but if pain happens. Embrace it. Reflect on it. Absorb it. Take it in. Like, try to understand why you're hurting. Try to understand why it's happening. Try to [00:36:30] understand what your responsibility is, what you're supposed to learn, what, what the lesson is. Bruce Lee said, never ask for an easy life, but ask for the strength to endure a hard because again, men are made through trials and tribulations. Man, I've never gone back to that one so many [00:36:43] NA: It's awesome. It's a point in [00:36:45] Stephen Licciardello: point. Nico, before we end and and I really thank you for being on our show and I was wondering, only if you're open to it, would you like to say a prayer for our listeners? [00:36:54] Nico Lagan: Oh man, I suck at this, but, um, my prayers are very simple. Thank for being you. [00:37:00] Thank you for bringing us together. Thank you for this world. Thank you for simplicity. Thank you for all the small things that you make happen every day. Please Give us vision. Give us understanding. Give us more faith because God knows we need more faith in today's world. Amen. [00:37:18] Stephen Licciardello: Nico, thank you for your time. If you wanna know more about what Nico does, please check out the show notes, his website, and links to his podcast and all his socials are on the show notes and you can reach directly [00:37:30] out to him. Nico, once again, thank you. [00:37:32] Stephen Licciardello: Thank you. [00:37:32] Nico Lagan: Thanks for having me on. [00:37:33] Stephen Licciardello: That was a really great episode. I [00:37:36] Sharlene Licciardello: know, right? And that's one thing I've really got out of that was the importance of really being accountable. [00:37:42] Stephen Licciardello: So I guess if we're talking about accountability, and Nico really brought that out in his, his interview today, what would accountability look like for you? [00:37:51] Sharlene Licciardello: To me, accountability is just having someone that I can be responsible to, If it's for myself and self accountability, I'll be taking responsible for my own [00:38:00] actions and just making sure I stay on track with what I intended to do. [00:38:04] Sharlene Licciardello: I guess it comes down to integrity of behavior as well, right? [00:38:07] Stephen Licciardello: Yeah, so accountability is also aligned with your values. You know, I think one of the things we've always taught is a Commitment to excellence is a commitment to completion. And so if you're going to be accountable, it's actually about being excellent because you're accountable not only to yourself, but to others. [00:38:25] Stephen Licciardello: And I think I really love what Bob Proctor says when it comes to [00:38:30] accountability. He says accountability is the glue that ties commitment to the result. That's rich, isn't it? Yeah. So if it's the glue that ties your commitment to your results, then it's important to be accountable. Powerful stuff, right? [00:38:43] Stephen Licciardello: Yeah. And I think too, like if we look at the dictionary meaning, it's also the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for your own actions. Yeah. So I think that's really important. Now, when we look at accountability, a lot of people, Also describe accountability is actually [00:39:00] having someone who you're accountable to answerable to, right? [00:39:04] Stephen Licciardello: Answerable to. So as a coach, Charlene, or as a, as a counselor, what does that look like for you when you're working with [00:39:11] Sharlene Licciardello: people? I think what really helps is that knowing that they can have someone to report to when they've done like tasks or if they feel like they just need to get a feel of with they're on the right track. [00:39:23] Sharlene Licciardello: just being able to. I have someone to know that if they're going to answer to someone, they will do the task. [00:39:30] They will do the work that they need to do in [00:39:31] Stephen Licciardello: themselves. So really important to find that person and it can be a friend, it can be a mentor, it can be a coach, it can be a family member. [00:39:38] Stephen Licciardello: However, sometimes that doesn't work in your favor. Just to be accountable to say, these are my goals. And you know, I really encourage people. publicly put your goals all over social media and things like that because I mean like one people are like oh here's another thing that they're doing or two people will try to destroy that [00:40:00] belief in you or yeah out of jealousy or out of their own security And ignorance. Yeah. So having that person that you're really accountable, a close mentor or even an external person like a coach or [00:40:12] Sharlene Licciardello: mentor, someone's safe, someone's safe, reliable and trustworthy. And [00:40:18] Stephen Licciardello: it's not going to take your shit. That's right. I'm not going to take your excuses as well. That's true. [00:40:22] Stephen Licciardello: They'll call you out. They're going to call you out on it. And I think that's really important. We have coaches and mentors and people in our lives [00:40:30] and people that we're accountable to, you know, either, um, In our spiritual walk, in our health walk, in our financial walk, in all areas that we're rewriting our stories. [00:40:40] Stephen Licciardello: So if you don't have anyone and you want to reach out or know someone, make sure you reach out to us. we can put you in touch with the community or you can join our Facebook community where we're keeping each other accountable. Absolutely. [00:41:00]